We need a picture today. We really do.
It's day 6 and I woke up just before the alarm clock after a night of extremely poor sleep. Too many thoughts and too much wondering. I forgot about my resolve to meditate and I forgot that I go inwards for answers. I got scared and I felt powerless.
I think that this is probably a natural part of what I set out to do, a form of self-sabotage, a way for the subconscious to try to protect the beliefs it's put in place to protect me from getting hurt again. It wants me to forget about this and it thinks this is a stupid idea. Me being tired gives it more space to play. Me being tired makes me less able to fight against it taking back the ground I gained this week.
But, I"m determined.
I like that I refuse to give up on this.
I like that I want to learn to love myself more and that I've set out on a journey to learn how to.
I like that there's a part of me that feels like rushing to my own aid when I feel like this.
I like that there's a part of me that feels like I could be loved by another.
I like that I allow myself to see that people like me.
And, the hair. I still like my hair. A lot.
A complete cop out this evening I'm afraid. I'm so tired all I can do is eat blueberry and cheese strudel, and simulate death. But, not to be a complete dodger of what I set out to do:
I like my hair.
I like how I handle things at work with people even when I feel like I'm about to have a nervous breakdown because I don't think I'll have their respect.
I like how I like machinery. A venture into the lab at work today was a total treat.
I like how I like myself more now than or maybe just noticing more what I like about myself.
I like that I am giving myself the opportunity to just jump straight into bed tonight and just sleep.
So little of it but it feels important. I'm just saying.