Thursday, July 20, 2017

It's Day 5 of my Radical Self-Love Project

It's too early to think or feel, or is it? I'm feeling a little sad on the inside today, like deep down inside. It's bubbling up and I kind of knew this would happen. As we move the smaller things that cover the deeper stuff up it tends to uncover the things that bubble away under the surface, the things we work hard at not having to deal with. These are the things that feed any addictive and destructive behaviours.

I started noticing a change in what I wanted to eat just a couple of days ago. I'd got in to the habit of eating sweets, a sure sign that I feel insecure and anxious. Instead of wanting to eat I started to feel anxious, and I started to worry again, and when I started to feel those things I tried very hard to try to let them be there.

There are plenty of signs that my fears are unfounded. There's still plenty of room for my fears to play. This is a work in progress. This is a process.

Morning

For a little while now I have had a feeling that something that will freak me out a little but that will make me happy is going to happen. I have no clue what it is but there's a part of me that's looking forward to it. In the meantime I'm going to do my best not to be swept up on the lonely side of the sad today, and to allow myself to feel it and work through it.

So, this morning:

I like that I'm willing to allow myself to be sad even if it's uncomfortable.

I like that I'm willing to think of myself as a success even if I'm lagging behind on some projects. I need to learn to not take on too much.

I like that I love myself enough to do this.

I like that I care enough about myself to pack a healthy lunch every day.

I like my hair. I just can't get enough of at the moment. It's not just the "fall back" fifth point that I add when I run out of things to like about me. I really like my hair.

Onwards into the day

Evening

Amazingly tired this morning. Wonded out. Brainfried. Slow. I think it's just week nine of being back at work and it's starting to sink in. It's just a dip in form. I need to recharge. Early to bed with me tonight.

So without further ado:

I like that I'm hanging in there.

I like that I now at least consider the possibility of letting love into my life again.

I like that I've stopped craving sweets.

I like that I'm able to help people at work and that I'm able to teach them stuff that will make their work easier and better.

Oh, and I still like my hair. I'm just saying.

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