Friday, August 14, 2015

There are still signs of life here

I've missed writing so much! It seems I've gone through some weird period during which I've had so many thoughts, and I've been taking part in too many discussions on Facebook, but for some reason I couldn't quite get to sitting down and stringing anything of remote value together here. I don't know how many times I've sat down in front of the Mac, started with a few sentences and then just sat and stared at it. It's been weird. I've had a bad case of the blog shut ups.

About those Facebook discussions....
I love a good discussion and the more different perspectives and views that are thrown into it the more I revel in it. I sometimes feel a little like I'm stealing experiences from others when I'm in there because there's no way I as a single human being can experience and think of everything I want to in this here life of mine so it's a short cut to knowing and understanding more. There came a time though in the last week when I suddenly thought that people must be tired of seeing me weigh into every debate; I certainly was. I sat back and watched for a while, and then decided to meditate instead because there was interesting stuff going on inside me too.....

I seem to spend a lot of my time nowadays observing my mind and the thoughts that go through it, and externally I don't have a lot to show for it but what started as a commitment to slay anxiety and depression dead in June last year (achieved earlier this year) has turned into a continued journey into learning to be more true to myself (some people call that being authentic but that word has to be one of the most overused words out there together with gratitude and it's not only because it's been hijacked by new agers) and to really start to break down my life into something that I like and feel like living with.

I have no idea what the future holds and while that's the kind of thing that used to drive me crazy and make me panic, I'm beginning to learn that it's the way life is when you decide to start learning to live more authentically. It's going to take time to get to know what I actually really like and distinguish that from what I've been programmed to do. This thing that means you check in with yourself emotionally before you make a decision or even begin to try to logically think it through was something I never used to do but that I've found to be one of the most important things I can possibly do to support my mental health. I have discovered that I have become incredibly committed to my mental health and in making sure that I do my best to take care of myself emotionally especially.

I will hopefully return soon with some more things to say but I'm fairly certain that you're doing just fine without my musings. Facebook seems to be doing fine without my opinions!

I'm just saying.

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