Saturday, May 30, 2015

Empathy

One of the most frustrating things at work that I come across a lot is the lack of empathy. We've gone through a very stressful period in my department in the last one and half years with compressed project schedules and a lot riding on the product we were designing. Chuck a few personally ambitious people in the mix and you have a pretty explosive cocktail, the kind of cocktail my therapist likes to call "toxic".

Sunday, May 24, 2015

Leaving perfect behind

I'm a renter and every six months a total stranger comes to my house to check out how I'm treating it. It's fair enough since there's always that risk that I would be a crazy person who would trash the place and cause thousands of dollars worth of damage. But it's also a stressful knowing that you'll have someone come into your house basically to judge you and how you keep the place.

Saturday, May 23, 2015

Free

I'm coming up against this new thing a fair bit nowadays. I'm just not reacting to things the way I used to. I've become a lot more detached and there's more instances of me not giving a toss.

It's mostly in the area of what others think and while that doesn't mean I truly don't care what others think, I'm still perversely interested in what makes other people tick and how they tick, I just don't care what they think about me anymore. It's weird in a way because I've spent all of my life, as far as I can recall, worrying all the time about just that.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Good!

I went back to my therapist today for what I call a "top up and directional check up" session. Basically I'm doing good but I just want to make sure I'm heading in the right direction and share some of my progress.

I waltz into his office and he asks me how I am and I reply "Good!". He looks me straight in the eye and quips without skipping a beat "Good? I'm not sure what to do with that. It's not my area of expertise!"

Got to love a therapist with a sense of humor.

I'm just saying.

Saturday, May 16, 2015

Worshipping at the Altar of the Religion of Denial and the Spiritually Daft

I don't talk a lot about it because I'm a bit of a snob really, but I sometimes infiltrate the inner circles of things witchcraft, pagan, psychics, shamanism and meditation. I seek out the kind of people who get into that stuff with some sort of perverse curiosity about how the minds of people work especially where faith is concerned. A lot of the time I feel bitterly disappointed and let down because there are so few "real" people in those circles, and all sorts of fluffy straight out of the box crap tends to really put a damper on the fun of it.

Thoughts

Slowly but surely I'm making my way back into life and it seems that my mind is starting to find traction with the whole watching-the-world-and-thinking-about-it thing again. I'm showing signs of normality in other words after a rather long period of not feeling my own special kind of normal.

The past year has very much been a year of introspection. I've turned inwards and I have found out more about myself, and I have found more of myself, than I have in all my other years on earth combined. It's been confusing and it's been hard but here I am, not necessarily proclaiming I feel a lot better but I feel a lot more whole as a person. I feel like I've gotten somewhere with myself while not really being able to necessarily get anywhere in life.

Saturday, May 9, 2015

Scared

My last post was on February the 15th; it's been almost three months since my last confession, or so it feels anyway.

For the past year I've barely managed to write and in many ways I feel like part of my soul has gone missing, only I've not been able to performed the healing soul retrieval that should have been so easy for me to do.

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