It's a forgotten place this blog. Ever since I kicked O to the curb and stopped having so much to whinge and woe-me about I've progressively dropped the ball more and more.
I lost the will to write for the longest time and it was painful. For someone who loves to express themselves in words, sentences, paragraphs and chunks of text I found myself without the will to express anything. I turned inwards and I didn't like what I saw. At all.
All that drama that had fueled me was stripped away by me consciously but I wasn't prepared for what it would do to me. It changed me. It's changing me radically and while I'm not sure if it's for the better I have a sneaking suspicion in it is.
The will to write is slowly coming back again.
There is less dishonesty in my life now (and that's not only because I don't have an O to provide plenty of it but also) because I've stopped sugar-coating so much. I want something better for myself and I've come to realize that it's frustrating business trying to bring that about in a world where you have so little control. When you're after big change patience is a must but it's probably what you have the least of.
So, I've hit it up where I can control. End of November I was overcome with a sudden desire to run the 14km City to Surf race in August next year. Not walk. Not run-walk. Run. I want to run it. I want to run the whole thing and I want to be able to even power up the infamous Heartbreak Hill.
On the 26th of November I began training. My overweight but fit, cycling conditioned body was made to walk and I began with a distance of 5.6km. It hurts walking when your legs are so conditioned to cycling for an hour and a half at least seven to eight hours a week.
Your knees protest.
Your feet hurt.
You get stiff.
You get blisters.
You get a stupid grin on your face because you're achieving something and you're stepping into new territory, and it is new territory for me because I've always hated running because I suck at it. But I've begun, I've begun the process of making myself into a runner and come August next year I'm running that race and it will be a milestone for me.
It's only like Donkey Kong. New goals, a new me and a new course plotted for my life in 2015. I hope it will bring me a lot more satisfaction and I also hope that 2015 will bring me the love I've been wanting all my life but most of all a time when I finally feel at peace with myself.
I'm just saying.
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