Thursday, October 23, 2014

"Never need a reason to love anything or anyone!"

I could have made that the sentence of the day and a lot of people in the "spiritual community" would have loved me for it (pardon the half baked pun). How many spiritual people do I have visiting my blog anyway?

I don't know.

It just occurred to me. I'm sitting here writing "at" you and I don't know all that much about you, my audience. It's both a sobering and exciting thought for someone who's spent 15 years specializing in technical writing professionally. When you're a technical writer knowing your audience, knowing who you are writing for and what they know, is just about everything. It's holy.

I feel like I'm rebelling now and I think it's doing the burnt out professional part of me a whole lot of good.


I got off topic too. That's another no-no so I'm really breaking ground and breaking habits here.

Anyway, in order to prevent complete anarchy here, I will get back on task and go back to where I started.

If any of you have spent any time in any spiritual practice, even if it's just as a way of healing your codependent selves, you will know that thing spiritual people do preaching unconditional love. It's a lovely thought, and I actually think it's quite possible and very nice, but I think that if you're like me, a codependent love addict that is, you need to really be careful with that one.

There are people who some of us simply should not love, not in "that" way anyway. (Anonymous, where are you when I need you? You'd back me up on this, wouldn't you?)

There are people who need to learn that the kind of unconditional love we're talking about, is the kind that healthy people can dish out without discrimination or exception, because healthy people can do it without giving up big pieces of themselves in the process. If you're like me, a codependent love addict, you need to tell yourself the opposite: There are plenty of reasons not to love anything or anyone.

Actually, let's make that the sentence of the day for those of us out there who are codependent (and I'm repeating it for you too just so you really get it), special edition for codependent love addicts:

There are plenty of reasons not to love anything or anyone.

For those of us who are codependent love addicts this a mantra we need to make part of our spiritual practice until we have conquered that dreaded thing that makes us think and feel it's a great idea to shack up with the first (and subsequent) borderline personality disordered/codependent love avoiding/narcissistic creature we set our eyes on. In fact maybe another mantra we need to carry with us, and another sentence of the day for the codependent love addicts out here, is:

Never a need a reason to love myself.

Us codependent love addict peoples probably need to pack that in the survival kit so as to avoid future injury and catastrophy.

I know I'm having a hard time getting to the point here but the whole gist of my post is that as much as I love hanging about in spiritual communities, and as much as I tend to read a lot of stuff related to spiritual subjects, I sometimes think that some of the things being thrown out there in them is for a more whole and healed soul than what many of us have been able to develop due to our circumstances.

For many of us it is a struggle to learn to love ourselves first, and to learn to love ourselves enough not to stay in situations and relationships that are not good for because we feel we don't deserve better, or are not worthy of better. We need to kind of take it on board and instead of projecting it outwards, project in towards our own fragmented selves for a while or at least part of the time.

Now, if you're one my fellow wounded and fragmented beings, if you're in dire need of a hug today and you just don't have a lot of love to give to all the other needy critters out there, know that I love you and you do too. See how I snuck that in? You love you too, and it's OK for you to do that until you feel whole enough and healed enough to unleash your own brand of unconditional love on an unsuspecting and love-thirsty world. Until then my friend, keep it to yourself. You deserve it!


  1. Still here :) ... not as much internet connect as I usually have as I am house surfing or squatting or something --- and - uummm, in the process of discarding my 2nd disordered personality in just 12 months - so, keep 'em coming, I am still reading :)

    As for loving myself/yourself, well, that's what got us here in the first place huh? The inability to do just that. Oh, how I long for the answer to NOT measuring my self-worth through someone who, by definition, cannot love me.

    Hang in there.

  2. ps:


Have your say. Go on! You know you want to.

Featured Post

I'll be OK, just not today

My mother has Alzeheimer's. Over the course of six months I have watched from a distance how my mother seems to be disappearing bit...

Popular posts