I've been quiet here but I haven't hidden away from the world like some sort of hermit. I've tried to interface with it and connect with its inhabitants.
Mostly I've targeted what can be considered the more spiritual part of humanity and that inevitably means that you end up in the mish mash of beliefs that these kinds of people inevitably house in their hearts and minds.
It can get confusing.
Now I'm all for the spiritual kind, I will most definitely take them over the corporate kind any day, but I always end up here: Most of them, well, they're a little confused.
Most of them seem to have adopted a bunch of ideas that they haven't really thought a lot about and while I hesitate to kick people in the teeth for doing that I'm even more hesitant to agree with that approach. It's just too easy to swallow someone telling you that you were an amazonian warrior woman who was considerably accomplished with a bow and arrow, and that is why you're now such a perfectionist, and this especially if you're already somewhat confused about your lot in life. I know this to be true. It happened to me. Including the confusion.
But, as I do, I've thought a lot about this and as much as I've tried to assimilate with these gentle but confused kind of people I can't quite feel I'm part of that tribe either. Although they declared me a budding psychic who just needed more practice, and a healer, it just didn't feel satisfying to me. I may, or may not, go back to meet with them again because they're really lovely but for now I really feel I have some work to do on myself. Alone.
I also did that whole thing when I started teaching meditation. I'm quite good at it. People come back. I have answers. I can teach them this stuff, this meditation stuff, but meditation is something you practice and most people quite frankly don't get that.
Meditation is not somewhere you go once a week and expect results or proficiency. Meditation is practice. You get what you practice. A guided meditation leads you to the place you were guided to. Regular mindfulness meditation leads you to a state where you're more mindful and all that that implies.
I've come to realize a few things of late and they're at the core of who I'm becoming I think. My mind has digested a lot of Buddhism of late because they have some really good strategies for dealing with mental discourse, and as I'm still recovering from the nervous breakdown and the resulting anxiety and depression I find that rather interesting and useful.
The Buddhists don't muck around. They tell you to go within and examine yourself warts and all. There's no hiding from yourself there. You stand there naked in all your glory and you learn to love it.
All the self examination, and goodness knows I've only scraped the surface of my scarred and battered psyche, has brought some profound insights about. For one I have come to align myself more with humanists more than any other group it seems. And, I've developing some sort of truth or mission statement for my life. I can't help it; I have to share it.
You're the one, the only one, who steers the ship that is your life. Lacking as it may be, lacking opportunities as it may be, you're still the one at the helm and you're the one constantly setting the course. If you fail the leave the harbor you're the only one to blame, you're responsible, and if fear keeps you there it's your fear and you best face it or be content in the harbor. Either way you can be happy if you just have the right mindset.
You don't come here to arrive in this life on this planet with a mapped out destiny or personality.
not at the mercy of life or the world or other people.
Sure, bad shit
happens to you and good shit happens to you too, and you come here
under certain conditions, but in the end it's what you make of
what you got that determines your level of success and level of happiness in
Life is not for or against you. It just is. We're dropped into neutral territory. It cares not one iota about what you do or how you feel. Only one that does that is you. If you choose to be unhappy life is content to let you be unhappy. If you choose to be happy life is content to let you be happy. It really is content to just let you be. You choose. Your choice entirely.
All those batty people who tout the law of attraction are at least
partially correct: you're a creator.
You're the creator of your experience because you have control of your thoughts and therefor in the end your feelings in regards to it.
Maybe you can't attract everything
you want into your life even if you make an endless number of vision boards but you can sure as hell create and you can be pretty damned sure you create what you want. The thing most of us miss is the part where we figure out what we really want and what we actually fear getting even if we want it. You gotta get damned sure that you know what it is you want and that you're not secretly afraid of getting it so you avoid getting it.
those things you think you want and crave, we'll most of that's just bullshit.
What you secretly crave is so much more simple, and what your heart and soul
longs for is so much deeper. Get with that and you will get precisely what
you need and want through your own creation and it will be so much
sweeter. You'll be content and happy. You will be free of fear, anxiety, anger, hate, jealousy....
You have to begin to realize that you are a limitless, boundless being
and that it's your job to challenge any limits you perceive society and
the world around you, or you yourself, to have placed upon you, and to begin to
understand that you, and only you, can and have the right to define and
decide who you are. It's your duty to do that as a thinking,
living human being. That's completely within your power.
There's nothing else you need to do or achieve. There's just that.
You're in control.
You're the undisputed ruler of your domain.
You're piloting this thing you call "life". You're creating your
destiny. You make up the rules as you go along.
Every thought you allow yourself to have colors your day and
the sooner you realize that the sooner you are free.
That's the meaning
of life my friend. You can stop looking for it now. I just gave it to you.
And, no need to
thank me. No, really.
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