Saturday, December 14, 2013

Plans for 2014

About a year ago I boldly declared that 2013 was going to be a year when everything changed for me. It wasn't anything to do with the world ending on the 21st of December 2012 according to the Mayan calendar - it had everything to do with a deep seated need to move out of a toxic relationship, a stagnant existence at work and mental health that was to say the least really unhealthy.

If you've read this blog at all you know that the toxic relationship ended, a lot changed when it comes to my mental health, I'm really on the verge of being "normal" and work, yes well work, I'm still there and I feel like the whole place is trying to reject me.

Do not set intentions and then not follow through on the actions if you know what I mean.

I will get to deal with the work thing, eventually, but for now they pay me too much and I need the money so I can feel safe, safe in the knowing that I can take care of Boo and the three cats, and myself of course.

If 2013 was the year of change for me, 2014 is going to be the year of purification and detoxification. It's going to be the year of weeding out processed food and thinking of food as medicine and nourishment. I know what food can do for me and to me, and it's time to start using that to my advantage. I deserve to feel good and to be well.

2014 is also going to be the year of purifying and detoxing my mind. I have come to realize that I can't believe everything my mind tells me and that I think, none of us can except for the most adept Buddhist monks perhaps, and as such I will keep on working on getting to know myself and my thoughts better.

I never thought I would say this but I'm going to look into religion. You see, the Buddhists have technology I can use and want,  and I'm going to use it. This whole thing about being your own therapist and "unpacking" your thoughts, habits and beliefs is appealing to me and I'm going to put it to the test. I will not however become Buddhist because......because......I'm not going to become Buddhist.

Right now I'm so tired I just want to go into hibernation for a while. Work has been incredibly busy but the whole department soldiers on like the good drones we are. The word "must" is the most abused word around, "must finish this by...", "must be done now", must, must, must, must, must...I look at that word and it conjures up a more pleasant picture because in Swedish it's a kind of soft drink that used be available only at Christmas and Easter, special (I wish I could make that sparkle for you) in other words, and it feels better thinking about it that way.

Other than that, what can I tell you? I have ideas of things I want to do and write but at this stage I just don't have the energy. I want to talk to you because I love writing here but I just don't have the energy. I want to make things (and I'm currently making Limoncello using the lemons from my garden and it's a deliciously slow process if you want it to be). I want to sing. I don't know why but I want to sing. I want to make music but I'm not in the least musical so I don't know how that's going to work out for me.

So, I will be back, hopefully with bigger and better stories and who knows, maybe I'll grow incredibly wise in 2014 and become my own guru and inspire you some too. That would be nice. I can go to sleep with a nice thought like that.


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