It’s the kind of topic that polarizes people, I realize that, but I kind of want to talk about it anyway because it’s part of my healing. My healing. Me. Me. Me.
First I want to say that I’m firmly rooted in science and that I as a person, in general, require scientific proof before I jump on a bandwagon and proclaim myself a believer. I don’t want to tell you who you are and what you think but you’re going to think that it’s not really true because what I’m about to write about shows the contrary.
Since the somewhat spectacular ending of my last relationship a lot of things have happened to me mentally. It’s all good, as we say here in Oz, I can assure you, but it’s nonetheless a hell of a change and I’m being forced to just let go and go along for the ride. I’ve no other choice. If I tried fighting the changes occurring I would probably drown in my own emotional turmoil.
End of August, now nearly three months ago, I attended a meditation workshop that ran for a day in one of the lovelier and leafier suburbs of Sydney. I was in a right state at the time. I was still depressed. I was hurting like a mofo because of the break up and the betrayal(s) that ultimately caused it (and not a day too late). I was anxious, no let’s be honest, I was in a permanent state of anxiety which was only really interrupted by the occasional anxiety attack. My dear darlings, in a nutshell, I was fubared.
But, one is seldom as fubared as one may think. It’s amazing how resistant and resourceful we really are and that’s even when we don’t have any faith or hope to help prop us up.
The meditation workshop shifted something in me. The right people’s paths converged at the right time and Universe colluded to bring me little gifts in the form of messages that allowed me to start shifting my own reality. Fortunately I was aware and open enough pick up these messages and take them on board, and so began the path to…..here, where I am today.
First, I began to meditate daily. It’s not always been the sitting-in-lotus-position kind of meditation but it’s been meditation every damned day. I’ve been doggedly determined to do it for one reason: It kills anxiety dead before it even wakes up in the morning. Meditation is ninja and it’s gone about getting rid of a lot of the more bothersome housemates in my mind. They were the guys who burped at the dinner table, left the bathroom door open when they went to the toilet and never, ever cleaned up after themselves. They were noisy, to say the least, and opinionated and not particularly pleasant to be around. We, the rest of us, don’t miss them.
So, I meditate alone but I’ve also meditated with a few groups.
The first one was the Sahaja people. I found them a little confusing because they do a lot of hand movements and although they claim to not be affiliated with any religion they do have a guru and so my shackles went up a bit.
The second one is a Prana healing mediation held in a backyard shed with a bunch of Indian dudes who get together because they “suffer” from a bad case of wanting to heal Earth and its inhabitants. I like these guys. They were uncomplicated and nice. I will go back when my schedule clears but ramping up to Christmas and what with my darling daughter Bee heading out to Central Australia on a school trip next week they’ll have to heal Earth without me for a while.
The third is a psychic awakenings circle that I basically joined because the guy holding the meditation workshop back in August recommended I seek out spiritual people for a while because as a rule they’re kinder and more accepting, and that’s the kind of people I needed to be around especially to counter the fact that I work in real corporate surroundings.
The psychic peeps have turned out to be lovely and since a lot of the people who go there are healers I’m getting reintroduced to my old friend Reiki. You didn’t know that about me, did you? I’m an attuned Reiki and Seichim master. I’ve not practiced for years and it’s all to do with that scientifically minded thing I’ve got going. Some of the people practicing Reiki are a little too airy fairy for me and there are also a lot of fractions in the field and I loathe politics so I defected.
The thing about the psychic things is that as it turns out I’m good at it. I’ve worked with energies in the past, I’ve studied Shamanism out of curiosity, so it’s not like it’s all new to new to me but what is new to me is that absolute avalanche of energy and clairvoyance coming at me.
So, it’s all BS, right? Yeah, that’s the category I want to place it in but when I do a reading on a person I can’t see and I get shit right about them, I’ve never met them before and I only know their name, I start wondering. When I see the same things that others are seeing during a group meditation, and when someone else tells me they saw something I was doing during the meditation (in my head like) and I’ve not told anyone about it, then I start wondering.
But, it’s all really immaterial because the meditation workshop teacher was right. Being around spiritual people is in itself healing so I will keep going back. Maybe you’re watching a psychic being born. Maybe I’m just going quietly and desperately mad(der).
I’ll keep you posted.
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