Thursday, September 19, 2013


Yep, it's one of them days again when my mind starts running rampant with a subject, then runs around in circle for a bit, kicks the subject around the field and ends up with the inevitable conclusion that this world is warped, seriously warped. It's just the most of the time it seems like I'm the only one noticing which then leads me back to the realization I had the other day: I'm awkward.

Today I'm awkward in the sense that I don't understand men. No one say "Duh!" out loud please; anyone who's read this blog for some time would be aware of that. First thing's first though:

I apologize now to any man who reads this blog because what I'm typing may be seen as offensive. (Bill, I want to apologize to you now because you even comment on my blog sometimes.) I don't mean to offend, it's just the my view of men and the beliefs I hold about men just don't gel with some of this shit and so my mind is confused, very confused.

It started with the eight year old girl dying in Yemen after her wedding night. Or, allegedly dying. There was this other news piece that stated the father showed off said daughter well and alive after it all allegedly happened. Well never mind, apparently plenty of other young girls are being raped to death over there on their wedding nights. I cannot get this through my head but it makes the men in this country evil but more importantly why are we still being polite about this? Why aren't we more outraged? This is not some religious thing we have to tip toe around. This is a pedophilia rape culture.

It went on to an article asking the question if all that porn we now have access to on the internet is making men less sensitive to women and women's issues. Apparently it makes us all less sensitive to women's issues. Put me in front of some hard core porn for fifteen minutes and I will be less sensitive to women's issues apparently. I'm not game trying for fear of being desensitized and I'm really not all that into hard core porn.

It makes me kind of sad, the porn thing, but it does go a long way in explaining a phenomena I've noticed when it comes to dating sites. Three and a half years ago I met O through this one particular dating site. I used to look in there because it was still relatively sane. I never deleted my account and for shits and giggles I updated my profile when the fit hit the shan a few months back because of curiosity.

What was happening out there in online dating land?

I made considerable effort crafting a profile that makes some guys laugh, some think I'm a complete bitch, some think that I'm too smart for them and some run. I have also added at the bottom of my profile that I'm not after casual or NSA sex, in fact my profile states I'm looking for friends of both sexes.

You already know what I'm going tell you, don't you?

Yep. 98% of all messages I get ask me if I want some casual sex. 1% tells me that they can tell by my profile that I'm into submissive sex. The remaining 1% just say "Hi" or if I'm really lucky "Hi Sexy".

I have decided that the internet dating sites is the dumping ground for men who can't get a woman in real life.

But this does dredge up some stuff because I used to have this discussion with O about what men actually want. He claimed that men just want what the Aussies call a root (in other words sex) and that they don't fall in love. I really want believe that men actually do because I think I've seen evidence of it. I also don't really want to believe that we're going backwards when it comes to women's rights and how men think of women. I've worked too hard to feel respected as a human being to think that we're not just objects again.

I don't know. What's your experience? Do men actually want long term relationships, do they care about women as human beings or is it all just about casual sex now?

Just asking, folks.


  1. I think perhaps your O has a limited emotional capacity but I don't think all men are like that - far from it. Men fall in love just like women do (although they may be easier to please in the casual sex department).

    As for internet dating sites - I to have a profile up and am completely stunned at how inept the men folk are at initiating or responding to contact. And, I think I am beginning to agree that these sites are for men who can talk/write but not much else (ie: the can hide behind their computers screens effectively but aren't so smooth in person).

    I am also beginning to think that those who spend time on dating sites get addicted to having several women on the go at once - they cannot resist just 'checking out' who they might be missing out on - always with 'the next great thing'.

    Not that I am cynical or anything :(

  2. I agree with you Anon, people do get addicted to checking out what's out there.

    I sometimes think men are coming across as inept because they're scared of talking to women - I don't think they know how.

    Oh, and I think we know O has a limited emotional capacity but I'm glad we agree with me on that. Makes me feel better :) but I do wonder why I'd fall for a guy like that :| - I suspect it is codependent behavior and lack of confidence (i.e I go for what I think I deserve).

    Most of all I'm glad I'm not the only one who believes men fall in love too. :)

  3. Falling for men with limited emotional capacity - yes, I hear you there. perhaps it is the challenge? Perhaps it is self-flagellation? Perhaps the men in question do an excellent job of fooling is that they are capable of more then they are - they are devious in that way? I'm not sure - but please, let me know if you garner any insights :)

    I have had more than one of these men in my life and they leave us feeling worthless and shitty - the sooner they are gone the better. It doesn't make it easier when they leave, or we leave, or - someone leaves and until we learn to do whatever it takes to remove them from our socio-sphere, we are doomed to wonder 'what if'?

    Addiction to 'the-next-best-thing', well, there is very little we can do about that either except realise that it is not about us, it is a need in them that keeps them searching - and it will never, ever end in fruition, they are doomed to roam the earth in search of the ultimate hit/woman, and she doesn't exist. I guess this is all we can take from it; move forward and forget them. Put them out of out minds, hearts and souls. I know - easier said than done right?

  4. My last comment seemed to disappear into the ether - perhaps there is a message there?

    The sad thing is that there will always be a 'next-best-thing' waiting for these men, it's what women do.

    I to apologise for generalising based upon gender but I have never dated women so I can only comment upon men.

  5. No need to apologize.

    Generalizations are tempting but just too dangerous for my daily living. Besides, today's asshole might be tomorrow's saint, depending upon tipping points and existential experiences.

    I can't speak of men as a totality but I can say this ... in my decades of existence I've known many really good guy men. These guys don't make a lot of noise, they don't throw poses, their values are good and they're trustworthy and caring, loving human beings.

    Yes, I've known a few creeps but I give them a few seconds and I move on. They are what they are and I have no place in my life for them.

    Also, I know nothing about dating services ... what I've found is simple ... have something you like to do and it's fairly easy to find other people who like the same thing.

    I also 'get' the inequality many, if not most, women experience. In many ways it's not that different from what people w/ dark skin experience in a white society. As humans we're still figuring out how to leave the caves of our primal self's.

    Many of the women I consider my friends are feminists or they're just strong-willed and should/could be social icons. But we have a sexist world and change happens one person at a time.

    I suppose, in that moment of meeting someone my reactions are based on this - their thoughts, words and point of view.

  6. Thanks Bill, I really appreciate you weighing in on this one! I would love to write a longer response to your comment but I think you've kind of covered it all. :)

  7. (To Bill)
    My observations (okay, they were accusations, let's call a spade a spanner) were aimed not at the male population in general because I know some outstanding men. They were aimed a particular breed of man that seems to attract a particular breed of woman - ie:me :(((

    To the OP - do you track his presence on dating sites? I am still trying to shake off the habit, it's depressing, but it keeps me trudging on and reminds me - daily - that there is simply nothing for me there but more pain.


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