Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Words

It occurred to me the other day that I’m kind of entering the third stage of my life as a woman; I’m about to move into the crone stage. It’s kind of nice when you think about it. I can put all the hustle and bustle behind me. I can stop competing for attention and I can start to wind up that whole career seeking thing and start looking at what I would really enjoy doing with my life. I get to become a wise woman. I’ve experienced life. I can start to settle in for the second half of my life and look at doing things that I really enjoy doing instead of trying to get somewhere to impress others so they can tell me I’m doing well.

I can stop competing, take a deep breath and just be.

I’ve decided that I’ve arrived, I’m finished, and anything that happens now is like gravy I can pour on the potatoes I already have in life.

I have my health.

I have my Self.

I can sit back and form my Self in the exact what I want to and not have to follow what anyone else wants for me. I’m all grown up now. I can be my own wise woman, my own mystic, my own magician and my very own source of eternal Love. I only need me.

I can take time to smell the roses, watch the parrots, look at the sky, scrawl messages on bike paths with chalk in the early morning before sunrise, and I can marvel at accidental pumpkin harvests.

I can rearrange my house the way I want it.

I can sing again, god I’ve missed singing out loud!, and my singing voice is atrocious now but I’m going to sing fucking arias now!, and I can sit down and think about the thing I’ve wanted to do for all of my life: write!

Whether I keep writing here, write a long loving letter to my Self in the form of a journal or whether I actually ever get to write that book I dreamed about writing as a child is irrelevant, I’m just going to write. I’m going to capture words, tame them, play with them and release them in the form of sentences. I’m going to take words and paint a new me with them. I’m going to write lovingly about me and for me, and I’m going to enjoy the labor of it, really enjoy the labor of it.

A new me. Word by word, built up lovingly from ground up. It’s a brand new me.

Edit:
This morning on the way to work I stopped in places that felt relevant and armed with chalk I left messages for myself to read on the way back. I hope others enjoyed reading "I love you :)" too because I don't mind sharing.

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