For reasons you would know if you’ve been reading my blog for some time, and there are not many of you that have, I’ve spent time thinking about polygamy. I’ve tossed it around in my mind. I’ve looked at the pros and cons if you like, and I’ve made up my mind and I know what I think of it now.
I think most people who call themselves polygamists are just plain lazy.
Many of them will tell you that they have enough love for more than one person, that it’s impossible to love one person or be sexually attracted to one person for all of your life, that it’s simply not reasonable to love just one person at the time, that we’re really polygamist by nature. If we weren’t polygamist by nature why are most cultures in the world polygamist? Huh? Answer me that! Majority rules, you fools.
It could well be true, I mean who am I to speak, I’m not exactly the poster girl for healthy relationships.
But. Yes. But.
(It’s just a small point to make that most polygamist cultures only allow for men to have several wives and not for women to have several husbands. Just a small point. Patriarchy anyone?)
I have this sneaking suspicion though that a lot of people are using polygamy as an excuse for not being able to bond properly with one special someone else. I also have this sneaking suspicion that we’ve become addicted to the initial feeling of falling in love and that it’s just too hard doing the work to make actual relationships function long term, that when the initial euphoria dies and we’re not being worshipped quite as much by that other special someone we just go look for something new. The art of making a healthy long term relationship may become a lost art. It’s a bit sad really.
I can’t help feeling it’s kind of a consumer kind of attitude to relationships. It’s like when someone at work says about a newly hired guru “He has 43 cars” my first question is “Why?” It’s confusing on so many levels. Choosing must be a bitch. Parking must be a bitch. The garage must be bigger than his house.
I have trouble getting up in the morning figuring out what to wear but this guy has to face choosing from 43 cars to go to work in! Talk about making life harder for yourself. Talk about not knowing what the hell you want. You can only be in one car at the time and if you have so much money you can afford 43 cars surely you have enough money to get just one car that has everything you want. Everything. In. One. Car. Maybe you don’t know what you want but then why not just go test drive some cars for a bit? I don’t know. Maybe I’m being silly. Maybe I’m missing the point.
I just don’t get it but OK, I have two bikes that I ride to work. One is a road bike and the other is a mountain bike. It’s simple. Good weather is road bike weather. Worse weather, wet weather, is mountain bike weather. If one breaks down I use the other one. I can get that. It’s not so much about choosing; it’s about functionality. 43 cars though, there’s just not that much variation in weather to warrant that. Is it about matching clothes with cars. “I think today I will dress Jaguar. Or maybe Hummer. Or should I dress Mercedes? Oh fuck! I dunno!”
From polygamy to too many cars. What can I say? My mind wanders but it’s not really that farfetched. We’re getting spoiled with this idea that we can have it all, that we need to have it all, and that we can’t find satisfaction in one thing. We have to have choice all the time. Choice. Choice. Choice.
We’re thinking that one thing is not going to satisfy. I think the opposite is true. Too much choice is going to make you bloody unhappy. It’s like when you go to a restaurant and order something, and then wonder if you shouldn’t have ordered something else (this apparently happens more often to women than men, by the way). It’s just fucking food! It’s not a life changing decision you’ve just made.
It’s like going to buy a pair of jeans. There used to be one style. That was it. You bought them. It took ages before they became really comfortable. Now you can get precomfied jeans in any fucking style or color you could dream of. You buy a pair, it’s taken you a whole day to try on and choose, and you walk out of the shop and the first thing you wonder is of you shouldn’t have got “the other pair”. Maybe you should have got another pair as well.
Think of your lover as a pair of jeans in the old days. You buy your pair of jeans. You wear them in and eventually you have a bloody good pair of comfy jeans that fit your body perfectly. Take time to wear them in, wear them out and to get comfy in them, and to appreciate them. Maybe that’s how we need to think of relationships. I don’t know, like I said, I’m no expert.