Anonymous dogs me a little bit like...depression.
There's no doubt that depression brings you to your knees and cripples you. It takes over you life and it lives in your mind and in every fiber of your body. When depression hits, when you begin to suffer from it, there's nothing left to give you joy and most often you're an empty shell. When you do feel something it's a sadness so deep and so profound that you cannot see a way out of it.
And there, at that particular point there's no way out of it. You're stuck with it. No amount of positive affirmation, talking about your shit and trying to exercise and eat right seems to make a lick of difference. You seriously doubt that you'll ever get out of it and you have no hope left.
But you got to start somewhere.
If you're lucky you have good people around you who you can talk to and who will gently challenge your thoughts and who will continue to gently point out that things are not as bleak as they seem. These people are more helpful and important than you think. They play an important part in your recovery, your healing.
Whether you've been hit with depression or whether you're suffering from it is not all that important. In my own case I think I feel I was hit with it and then I began suffering from it when my depression post nervous breakdown progressed into what's called major depression - depression that lasts longer than six months.
I could see the frustration and anguish on my doctor's face when she made the phone call to get authorization for the doze of Prozac I was on (40mg not particularly high) because she knew that Prozac alone was not going to be the answer. She asked me what else I was doing.
To make myself abundantly clear:
My last post was about a part of my recovery that I regard as essential but it's no more essential than me cramming nutrients into my body for six months straight mostly in the form of juiced vegetable and omega 3.
It's no more essential than removing certain foods from my diet because they affect my mood in a way I don't like and if I eat them I do so with the knowledge that I will wake up in a rather melancholy state the next morning.
It's no more essential than starting to understand that melancholy is OK and natural, it's just in my best interest to make sure it's not a prolonged state.
It's not more essential than making sure I exercise, set goals (even really small ones) and achieve them, that I choose the people around me more carefully and limit my own access to people who are toxic to me in the state I'm in.
It's not more essential than educating myself on my own condition and finding ways that I can facilitate my own recovery.
It's no more essential than being honest with myself about who I am and what I want.
It's no more essential than ensuring I get to relax - which is currently through meditating every day and using self-hypnosis.
It's no more essential than telling myself I'm loved every damned day.
It's no more essential than getting myself out of the house and making sure my interactions with strangers are positive so that the feedback I receive from others is mostly positive therefore helping me realize that I'm a good person.
It's no more essential than taking stock of what I think and using negative thought stopping as a tool to weed out crappy thoughts that don't serve my recovery.
I could go on.....
There are so many things we can do when we suffer from depression. There's not a lot you can do when it's just hit you; that's the time when you really need others like your doctor and therapist because your reserves are so low, and you're so shell shocked that you can't really function without help. These people though, are there to teach you and help you get back on your own two feet and to help you realize who you are and that who you are is not depression.
Depression, prolonged depression, is not a natural state we should linger in. It requires you to fight it. It requires assistance. It doesn't however mean that you while you suffer from it you can't achieve great things or be successful.
What depression means is that the light has been stolen from you and any which way you can find light again is valid (unless you're hurting someone else).
What depression means is that hope is not available to you and any which way you can find any hope again is valid.
What depression means is that faith is not in your heart and any which way you can get any faith back is valid.
So many more things are valid. No one thing is more valid than another except for the fact every person who suffers from or is hit with depression needs the support of others no matter how hard it is to give.
I'm just saying.
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