Sunday, July 28, 2013

Stormy but strong

I've been thinking a lot since the beginning of 2013. As much as I'm a doer in situations like this it sometimes takes me time to get to where I need to be, and it takes time because I get afraid of doing the wrong thing not in my own eyes but in others.

It started out a bit handicapped for me, 2013. I was still in the throes of depression and crippled by anxiety. I was still taking Prozac and I couldn't get off it. I started countering all this with mega hits of green mean juice and I'm happy to say it had an impact. Today I am, as I like to call it, drug free.

It's not easy, still it's not easy. I have the reminiscence of depression to deal with. Sometimes I still get anxious. I'm going through an ugly break up that should have happened a long time ago if I'd only had the strength but I don't think you're meant to have all that strength post nervous breakdown. In a perfect world someone would bring you a soft pillow and allow you to lay down on it while they tell you nice stories about what a good person you are and how brightly you shine. You're not supposed to be told that only part of you is acceptable and useful, and you have to be supplemented with others.

I went wrong but now I'm right, or I'm getting to being right. Life still scares me. There isn't enough on my side to make me feel safe at the moment but there is enough to make me feel strong.

My life is changing y'all and I will shine again. You just watch. In the meantime I'm more like this:

Stormy but strong

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