I’ve come to realise in the past few weeks that the problem I have with “self-help” and “healing” is that we never quite seem to the get there and therefore it can become narcissist at time. Unless we eat just the right amount of kale, meditate 30 minutes every day and never ever lose our cool, we’re not “there”, we’ve not helped our healed ourselves enough. There’s always more to do.
I think that a lot of the time we don’t know how to look; we don’t know how to look for signs of healing in ourselves. Every time we go through something that’s hard to deal with, and every time we’ve passed through that trial and come out the other end we’ve healed. We may not feel one hundred %, we may feel scuffed and scared, but because we have passed through it we’re healed. We can keep polishing and make ourselves better and shinier, and perhaps we’ll do this just so others can see that we’re healed now, but in the end all that matters is that we got through that trial in the first place.
I finished taking Prozac about a month ago. I still feel a little depressed, I still feel anxious at times, but I can tell you right now that I know that I’m healed. I’m no longer “suffering” from depression and anxiety; those are state I find myself in sometimes. Life applies friction at times, times get hard but I’m learning that most of the time things move along fine and all I need to do is ride along.
The most important thing for me now is to keep taking good care of myself because I deserve that.
I don’t deserve to be poisoned by cookies and candy, I deserve to eat vegetables and fruit, and I deserve to choose my protein sources carefully. I deserve that litre of mean green juice I concoct every day.
I deserve the gym membership I bought myself a few weeks back. I deserve to work out 30 minutes minimum six days a week, more if I feel like it.
I deserve to cycle to work unless the weather is absolutely crappy, then I deserve to take a bus.
I deserve to have a healthy body to house my soul in. I deserve a healthy mind to house my spirit in.
I deserve to smile, be happy, feel free, be sad and everything else I feel and do when I feel like it.
Most of all I deserve to be loved, and more than that, I deserve to love myself.
It’s really that simply at times, self-help and healing, and it doesn’t need to be more complicated than that.
I’m just saying.
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