We’ve all had them in our lives, and I say “all”” because I assume it happens to everyone. Usually they end up arriving when we’re less ourselves and more of a trampled or wounded version of what should be, could be, the glorious us. Usually we end up hanging on to them for far too long. I like to think of them as the unholy spirits of our lives.
Most of them have something we covet, more than likely they give us a sort of permission to be “ourselves”. They make us feel like they’ve seen an aspect of us that everybody else has somehow missed.
It may be true, different people bring out different aspects of us, but I find that these kind of people also start squashing other parts of us, sometimes vital parts, down into the dark recesses of our selves as we begin to try to please them; we want to feel more of what we felt when they first liberated a part of us being held back.
I’m in the process of breaking free from such a person, an unholy spirit, and it’s not been easy, it’s not easy, but I’m getting there, slowly but surely. I’ve become something I’m not while trying to please someone who can’t be pleased. Too many of us do this. Too many of us force others to do it.
I want to believe in love and relationship in which two people can grow and grow old together but in so many ways I fear it’s too late for me.
This is the sadder side of me speaking. This is the side of me that still battles with the last bits of depression.