Thursday, May 23, 2013


It's been a very confusing time for me, mainly because I make it that way. My mind seems to prefer to occupy itself with drama rather than choosing the peacefulness I really long for.

I do long for it. Peace is the ultimate goal. A peace that is dependent on nothing and no one. A peace that follows me wherever I go and that I don't have to go look for. I know I have it. I can feel it. Part of me doesn't want me to go there for fear of losing my ambition, creativity and appeal. I don't have to tell you how ironic that is, you're a smart cookie.

Ego is a complicated and demanding companion especially if it's been allowed to develop in abusive relationships and situations that aren't nurturing. I want you to understand though that situations like that is not something we fall victim to most of the time. Most of the people who end up in abusive relationships have been raised in a way that makes us gravitate towards them. It's not our fault but it's our own responsibility to change.

The playing field of life seems to be one filled with unfairness at times. We fall victim to people who are less than honorable and who do things to us that hurt us. If we, like me, haven't formed clear and strong boundaries and a real sense of self-value then we're the perfect prey.

No one is ever going to build you up to the point that you'll be free from your own anxiety, doubts, low self-esteem or anything else that keeps you down, no one, except for you. You have the duty to love yourself out of anything that makes you feel less than content and you can, if you really work with your own thoughts, love yourself into happiness. This is what I have learned from my nervous breakdown.

I still react too emotionally. "It's not my fault," chants my ego and I know it's right. It's not my fault but it's my responsibility. Emotions, and to some extent feelings, don't just happen. They're the result of programming and the thoughts that are born out of that programming. If we let our thoughts run free and unchecked we run the risk of ending up in deep, dark water.

You have to watch your thoughts, or they will take you for a ride.

We have the power to steer. Thoughts aren't uncontrolled things that are born from something we don't control. Thoughts are born out of thoughts and if you check your thoughts you will begin to be able steer them into much better territory, territory where little kittens and fluffy bunnies frolic and where your monsters and demons don't dare to tread. Your monsters and demons are deathly afraid of your little kittens and fluffy bunnies, this is something you have to accept. I know the analogy is weird but I'm quite certain you know what I'm telling you.

Life is meant to be lived. We're not meant to compete and be unhappy about how others behave. Lovers will cheat on you and leave you but that doesn't mean love is gone. People treat you badly and behave like right bastards but that doesn't mean love is not in you. Love goes wherever you go when you choose to make it your constant companion. You can't escape it.

Instead of looking down at the ground look up in the sky and all the space up there. Imagine that space is your heart and it's filled with the love you have for yourself. It's carried in the clouds, in the sun's rays and on the wings of birds whose task it is to bring to those who need it most, people like you. There's so much love that you can't help get immersed in it and there's so much of it that you can't help sharing it, exuding it wherever you go.

That's what you're meant to do, my dear friend. You're meant to carry love wherever you go because that is what all life is made of. Love.

My mother once told me "The good thing about life is that you can start over any time you like."

My mum's right. Life is really like that. And today we start over with loving ourselves. Yes?


  1. I agree concerning the power of love but starting over anytime you like ... I don't think so. Aside from economics and cultural issues, our DNA, our values and personal history usually conspire against radical change. Human physiology more or less imprints itself within our synapses allowing limited wiggle room.

    And then there's a person's age. Certain types of change are easier or more difficult at particular ages. What a 25 year old and a 70 year old envisions as change are often worlds apart.

  2. For once I have to defend my mother's views. Heh! It doesn't happen often - we have an uneasy relationship. I think as much as we're prone to certain things through things beyond our control (DNA, culture, beliefs, etc.) I still think we can turn around at any time to change what's going on in our heads. I've thought a lot about this. If I can "suddenly" have a nervous breakdown and as a result "suddenly" suffer from anxiety and depression than the opposite must be true also. It's just that turning things around takes work because we're bombarded with messages all the time and a lot of those reinforce a lot of negative beliefs - I like to call it ubiquitous assimilation. There's so much info being thrown at us we don't really have to time filter. If you stop and challenge you start getting some really interesting results...

  3. If we’re discussing your belief system … so be it.

    The topic of “change” is oft discussed in the public (TV, radio, self-help experts, etc.) but the amount of scientific study and evidence concerning human change is less well known and often the data doesn’t match the public versions.

    Anthropologically speaking, we know the human brain hasn’t changed significantly for thousands of years. With that as a basis, many curious things have been revealed… such as how the Sand people (Africa) cave art of 200 years ago is very similar to Lascaux (France) cave art, which are 18,000 years old.

    The common theme of the painting reveals something about how our brain works. Sensory deprivation and self-induced of trance-like states produce particular imagery. For example, blobs of color, pulsing dots, and honeycomb-like lines are seen. With no connection to one another, the ancient painters and the Sand painters had similar paintings… the similarity? The human brain and how it’s hardwired.

    What does that say? Perhaps humans are more alike, and have been so, throughout many centuries.

    So, I ask – far too many people have lived in horrid conditions, man-caused and otherwise. Yet, people bear burdens, live with fear and simply push on with their lives, no matter how rotten the conditions or heavy the task. At the other extreme, we also know there have been cultures/societies that have completely vanished instead of changing (adapting) to harsh or unwanted forces.

    Anecdotally speaking, within a brief period of my life, three horrible, tragic and uncomfortable events took place. I ended up in a hospital and the best the docs could say was, “my collapse was probably due to stress issues.”

    I took that message to heart and attempted change … it took me many years to affect a degree of change. The net result was probably that I changed small things w/in my life that were changeable – perhaps things (w/in my value system) that would’ve naturally changed, given enough time. I suppose the most important was that I came to grips with the things that initially stressed me out.

    But starting over … I’ve lived in seven different cities in the West Coast Midwest and East … I studied three different collegiate topics and then spent decades doing things I never studied in college.

    The point being … we evolve and change, often because it’s an organic (and natural) process. I can’t start over as an Argentinean or a Greek nor can start over with yellow or black skin. I can’t start over speaking Chinese or Inuit because, no matter what, I will always be me.


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