Saturday, March 23, 2013

Why Spillink Ink has to change

I've been blogging since 2007, I think, but while I've kept all the blog posts I've not allowed them to stay on the net when I didn't think they were relevant anymore. More than once I've killed off a blog because I felt it had run its course or become stale. My main reason for blogging for to vent.

This blog, as it stands today, has very much been a way of chronicling my journey since I had my nervous breakdown two years ago (almost to the day). It's been a long hard road and there has been other things that have been truly hard to cope with, like my relationship, and I have while being cloaked in anonymity just let it all hang out there.

Three months ago I made an ultimatum to my partner and things have changed and it looks like they have changed for the long term. So far so good. We are a lot happier now and this is now a relationship I want to keep going with.

Two and a half months ago I just just made another attempt at getting off the Prozac and my attempt was a failure. I went for a check up with my doctor and we tested everything. The only thing I haven't done is a mammogram. Apparently I'm fitter and healthier than the majority of people in my age group and my only problem is that I'm overweight. In the big scheme of things I was making out like a bandit, it was just that little matter of my depression and anxiety not be willing to let go to allow me to say goodbye to my medication.

Two months ago I decided that I was going to do an experiment. I had followed all the instructions and advice on how to recover from depression and anxiety. I had done talk therapy. I had tried different medication. I had exercised a lot. I had monitored my self talk. I had eaten all nutritious foods and taken supplements. I had tried hypnotherapy. I had educated myself. I had researched. I had done everything right and I was still on medication. I wondered what would happen if I bombarded my body with nutrients, mainly from green fresh vegetables. I bought a juicer and made it my mission to drink at least 2 liters of green juice per day in addition to what I would normally eat. I wanted to see if it would make a difference based on what I had read about dehydration and the importance of green vegetables when it comes to curing depression and anxiety.

A month ago the woman who caused my nervous breakdown was unceremoniously walked out after having failed to do her job. It was two years too late part of me thinks but such are the labor laws and the ego of the manager who hired her that it was probably as speedy a result as I was ever going to get. I won. I really did win the war against that nasty old Sharpei. It's not a weird side effect from eating more greens and being better hydrated but it's a victory for my peace of mind. I wasn't wrong about this woman. She was really incompetent.

The weird side effect from eating more greens is that this week I took my last Prozac hopefully forever. For the past month I have gradually cut down and now I'm medication free. I am more whole mentally and spiritually than I have been in a very long time. I'm not done yet but I'm really getting there. I'm proud of me. Today I'm proud of me.

So, I'm no longer the Spilling Ink I was and I will hopefully keep changing into the Spilling Ink I really want to be. You see, I used to search for gurus to tell me how to fill my life with something meaningful. I did this like so many other people out there; I was in good company. If there's one thing I have learned from getting over a nervous breakdown in the past two years it is this:

Reality is created in our own minds and we can truly control how we feel about the world around us. Hopefully you will stick around and be part of my journey to create a much better world for myself.

I'm not just saying that. :)


  1. Good for you. Walk free, breathe easy. While its not worth much, one thing I've learned ... having control over Life is a self-protection myth. Best advice, simply enjoy yourself.

  2. You're a wise man Bill Stankus! If there's one truth I have come to realize to be the "only truth" it is exactly what you said "Simply enjoy yourself". What is the meaning of life? Simply enjoy yourself. Why am I here? Simply enjoy yourself. What should I do next? Simply enjoy yourself.

    ...I could go on. And yes, having control over life is self-protection myth, and it's more than likely one of the most harmful out there.


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