Sunday, January 27, 2013

A thing of beauty

It's not the best photo in the world, and it certainly doesn't do the subject justice, but I had to snap it. On the way home from the organic farmers market yesterday I came across this little beauty:

Apparently it's owned by an artist who has kept it in its original condition (save for the crucifix added just in front of the front door and a few other mods). He drives it, lord only knows how he gets it through the rego check, and he changes the display on the roof regularly. Next week, apparently, he will fill the back seat with Tupperware no doubt in comment of our fascination with plastics.

Simply love it!

Saturday, January 12, 2013 far?

2013 has so far turned out to be a potential real eyeopener for me.

How's it going for you?

Friday, January 11, 2013

I've not been mad for days, I swear

I've not been mad for days, I swear to you, but it's been simmering in the back of my head for quite some time. Six dudes in India made me angry because their actions snuffed out the life of a 23-year old woman. This happened in a country in which a woman is raped every 20 minutes. And, that's just the women. There are kids being raped too and they're being raped to death.

Now this kind of crap doesn't only happen in India. I also happened to come across that whole "rape crew" thing that happened in Steubenville, Ohio, and that just fueled the fire.

Guys, guys, guys! Why should I or my daughter have to be afraid of approximately 50% of the population and what their intent is. Yes, yes, yes, I know that most men aren't rapists but there seems to be a good damned entitlement problem if you're in Sydney at least. Men want to get laid and they're pissed at women for not putting out. They're also pissed at women who care if you as a man have a job etc., and I get where these guys are coming from but then I also get the women and where they came from; I supported two husbands and it's kind of tiring especially when there's no will to help bring home the bacon.

All men are not bad, I know, I know, I know, but I need more men to be good and I need feminism to stop being a bad thing. I need to be able to tell my daughter that as a budding woman she can feel safe and have all the rights and opportunities men have. The truth is women still don't. When young women leave law school in Australia they walk into jobs where they're on average paid a third less than their male counterparts even though they're grades are higher. Please explain why to me!

I don't think we need militant feminism but we need equality that's for real so I can stop getting mad. We also need workplaces to be more tailored to women because we just don't function the same way as men and it tends to affect us badly.

And men, dear, lovable, sweet men  of the world, don't you want me to feel safe and accepted too?

I'm just asking.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Physical things

There's something strangely satisfying in going to your doctor to ask for more Xanax (just in case), to have her look at your file and be surprised that the last time you ask for any was in back May last year, check how much Prozac you're taking and then to have her ask you when you last had a blood test.

You ask why she wants your blood, and she smiles at you and tells you that now that you're obviously much better mentally "we" should get on with making sure "we" have everything covered physically.

I asked her what would happen if we found out I had diabetes or something, wouldn't that make me depressed? "No," she said, "that would make you worry about having diabetes."

She gets me my doctor, she really gets me.

Monday, January 7, 2013

Rear view mirrors

Rear view mirrors - it's an amazing invention. When you use them to take a look at your own life, and find that you have written down things that give you clues as to why things are the way they are for you right now, then they're possibly the most single useful device you can get your hands on.

Sometimes it pays to read your own blog.

I'm just saying.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Spilling Ink speaks

Yes, my lovies, the time has come for me to speak to you. Audibly like. About 2013. What's in store for us. :)

Ha! Ha! My first self-hypnosis track

Yeppers. I made it. My first self-hypnosis track. I used my Mac mini and my iPod Touch (which is officially the best gadget on this earth) and I can now listen to myself hypnotizing myself any time I want to.

What would you make a personal self-hypnosis tape about?

Saturday, January 5, 2013


I'm not a PC gal. I'm a Mac gal. I'm not like one of those Mac fan boys but I'm very impressed with what my old Mac mini offers me in the form of software that comes with it. (Soon I will own a newer Mac as I'm currently the one with the oldest Mac in the house - even my daughter got upgraded from her old laptop to an iMac for Christmas. One day I say, one day!)

And this is why I'm so excited today:
I was shown Garageband and I realized that I can actually do something I've been wanting to do for years and that is to record my own self hypnosis audio files so I can listen to them while I go to sleep. This ability has apparently been sitting at my finger tips for almost two years now and I have been neglecting it. I now have "free" time on my hands, approximately 16 days left, and the means to do it. I will go about help me reprogram my silly little mind.

I'm filled with excitement and it's almost killing me. Almost.

Friday, January 4, 2013

Rewriting history - more MS Own Mind

There comes a time when you stumble across, quite accidentally, an old program in your mind and it kind of wreaks havoc, maybe just for a day but nonetheless it wreaks havoc. You're not proud of what just happened. You're not enjoying the aftermath. Your wounds are suddenly fresh again. You're more than a little mad with yourself for allowing it to happen. It's important to remember though that you had no choice in the matter. You were just running a program you didn't even know existed.

It's time to swing into action much like Tarzan swings on a vine in the jungle to come to Jane's aid pronto. In this scenario you are both Tarzan and Jane; you're your own hero (and as I said yesterday: every situation needs a hero and this is, if you're in doubt, a situation).

Any time we go back and react in a way we have been programmed to react, a way that may well have been appropriate for situations in the past, only to find that the outcome now is not what we expected we have an opportunity to learn something. If the programming stems from a traumatic past or even a traumatic single event, the first thing we need to recognize is that we are not in the same situation now as we were then. We may even be safe now. We are just reacting, some would say overreacting, in the only way we know how.

The good thing about being human is that we can learn new tricks no matter how old we are. And, it's OK to rewrite your history if it's going to lead to a better existence for you now. Situations change and our programs need to change with them.....much like you're not Windows 95 any longer even if was the most amazing thing, it had plug and play for god's sake!, you've now graduated to running Windows 7 (or whatever the hell the latest OS for PCs is now - I was Macified over a year ago, and although I haven't quite stooped so low I use an iPhone (I'm a Samsung Galaxy gal), I did discover the most awesomest gadget in the world when I had the good fortune to be gifted one for Christmas: the iPod Touch 5).

Our minds are there to be shaped and they need to be shaped in a way that suits our own purposes, our own current purposes. It's OK to be brave enough to do this and it's OK to foul up a bit when you test your new programming. Rome wasn't build in a day and it has changed a hell of a lot since that day it was built in - or something like that.

You have to care about your mind and your own existence, especially if you're unfortunate enough to be hit in the mind with something like depression or anxiety. You need to view these things as foreign viruses and you need to create your own antidote to them, with professional help and by putting your own mind to work. The idea of getting professional help is to help you do this, to help you see that this "virus" does not belong in your mind. The captain of MS Own Mind, you, likes a clean ship so it's time to scrub the deck!

There are plenty of things around us that make us feel bad, stupid or ugly, and it's our job to filter out the crap we don't have any use for. If you went fishing for prawns (shrimp if you're American - why is there no plural of this word?....shrimps....) you would throw back anything that wasn't a prawn back into the sea to live another day and you would keep all the pretty, juicy, tasty little prawns to nom on. It has to work like that with your mind too.

It's hard when you're down to trust yourself enough to weed things out but really you still have a gut feeling and you need to listen to it because your well being depends on it. Anything that makes you stressed or anxious or sad needs to be given less priority - anything that has any sort of positive effect on you has to take priority. This is your time to be your own hero and to make a change to save someone's life - your own!

I'm just saying.

P.S. So like obviously I'm redesigning the page courtesy of a new banner made for me by a professional graphic designer I know. Blogger is not being helpful and refuses to stretch the new banner to its full width. Bear with me - I'm not really up to fighting with blogger today but I will get there eventually.

P.P.S. I'm officially awful at going back to correct very poor grammar before I post.

P.P.P.S I'm officially mad at the way shoe soles are sold - one size that has to be cut to your size and if you have small feet like me there's a lot of waste there. WTF? Global warming and waste management.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Every situation needs a hero

"Every situation needs a hero" is my favorite Dr Philism because it's so true. You can sit there and argue 'til the cows come home but if no one gets up and opens the barn those cows aren't gonna get milked. Or something like that. Possibly with less cows though.

Most situations in my life have lacked a hero unless of course you call me the hero for finally stepping up and going "I'm gonna have to do this myself, obviously". Usually I wait too long because when I don't wait people sometimes think I'm being too bossy.

I think the main point though is that you're going to appear to be bossy every time you stand up and demand change.

Today is the third of the first month of the year and I'm exhausted. 2013 has already worn me out and I can't help feeling that I need some rest. I'm already on holiday for goodness sake so I should be well rested but that's not apparently how it works. Anyway, I think I'm too tired to write anything remotely comprehensible or interesting today so I will cease and desist and cease to persist.

How's your year going so far? Any signs in our life that 2013 is going to be an amazing year?

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

MS Own Mind and Feminism

The key to keeping anxiety and depression at bay is to move. It's so DUH you want to scream but it's so true. I was a little ill yesterday and I mood plummeted. Not to follow suit today I've been undertaking desperate acts such is weed whacking my lawn.

These are desperate times. I've no idea what's happened to my lawn mower guy. I've not heard from him in ages, and since we knocked him back a couple of times he' not bothered to contact us again. I lost his phone number when I elbowed my Nokia slide to death and was forced to enter the 21st century via the purchase of a Samsung Galaxy mini.

It was a reluctant move on my part but the phone shop basically through discounts at me in such a way I ended up saving $200 a year on my daughter's phone bill. The phone is going to pay for itself before a year is up.

I'm reluctantly facing up to the fact that I am the captain of my own mind: MS Own Mind. It's been allowed to haplessly float around the oceans without direction for some time and it's time for me and the crew to take charge again. We will. Don't you worry about that.

In the mean time though I want you to rest assured that I will be no less cranky with the world. It's the kind of shit that keeps me going, even on the bad days, and it if makes me happy, well then fuck it, I will do it.

The problem that's niggling my mind (MS Own Mind) today is feminism and me wondering when it became such a dirty word.

One of the things that have become blatantly clear to me is that feminism has to change. We don't have to have to fit into a male world, which is largely what's happened, we want the world to be shaped to fit us into too. Men and women have vastly different experiences and I think it's really our turn to start shaping society into something that suits us all better.

I suppose it's really fair to say that feminism was never really a movement that fought for equality for all women, it very much was a middle class pursuit and as such it couldn't really readily be adopted by all women. The women in the feminist movement were at times a little snooty when it came to their less fortunate sisters and instead of making friends with them they made enemies out of them.

Personally I think we have a long way to go when it comes to the rights of women and that's not to say that we haven't come a long way already. We have. But please, if you are a woman or a man and you feel like calling yourself a feminist don't be ashamed. The movement is ours to shape in the way we want. It's not owned by anyone and it's not for the lucky few.

I'm just saying.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

On being wrong

None of us like to be wrong. In fact we hate being wrong so much that we will argue even after proof has been put in front of us that we are indeed wrong.

When you encounter someone who doesn't agree with you, you kind of go through this process:

First you think that the person you're talking to lacks information so you start giving the information you think they're lacking. You assume that all you need to do is to give them the information they lack and you'll have them agreeing with you in no time.

If they still don't agree with you, you start assuming that they're an idiot. How could they possibly be anything else now that they have all the correct information? There should be no problem; they should be seeing things your way. Well, they're not so therefore you think they're an idiot.

If they prove to be as smart or perhaps even smarter than you, you have a serious issue on your hands. How could it be that they're smart and have the correct information but they still can't see things your way? There's only one explanation: They're evil. They're working against you for their own private gain and therefore they're evil.

It's broadly the truth for most of us.

In my case I have come to realize that I don't so much do this with other people because after all my self esteem is quite low (yeah, yeah, I'm working on it!) and I pretty much think that everyone is smarter than me or have more information than me. In my case I don't do it so much with other people as I do it with myself. The little part of me that launched me into depression has done a splendid job of making the part of me that is supportive look like a fool and sometimes even like it was evil.

So, I see that I have been wrong about myself. I see that I need to change the way I think about myself in order to make happy. I can't be like Wile E Coyote all my life running after the Roadrunner ending up in mid-air realizing I can't fly only to end up crashing.

I was wrong. Now I'm right. ;)

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