Sunday, December 30, 2012

21 days to ch-ch-change

They say it takes 21 days to change your mind or rather to create a new habit. I've been thinking a lot about this mainly because it's now exactly 22 days until I will be back at work. I'm not used to being on holiday, obviously, so I do need something occupy my puny little mind with. My puny little mind demands that sort of thing.

It's been close to two years since I had my nervous breakdown. It's been close to two years since I started taking medication for depression and anxiety. I'm classed as suffering from major depression as it's gone on longer than six months.

Is it a chronic condition? No. As much as there is wide debate as to why people suffer from depression, whether it's due to chemical imbalances in the brain or negative thinking/programming, I have decided that the two are linked and I will treat it as such from now.

I take Prozac. I would rather not take Prozac since it pretty much numbs everything you feel (which is also why it's impossible to be in love when you're on Prozac unless it suits you just right). My aim is to not need Prozac.

I have decided that today is dedicated to the postmortem of my nervous breakdown/depression/anxiety and that from tomorrow onwards my focus will shift into a more positive realm.

Before Christmas I bought myself a pretty notebook that I intended to use and my want-need book. It was to be used to create a road map of what I actually want in life. It is to give me a better picture of what I actually want in life and to weed out what I only think I want.

I will in the next 21 days begin to create new thoughts for my puny mind to deal with and they will be a lot more positive than the ones I have allow my puny little mind to be entertained with for the past two years. It's an experiment to see if the 21 days to change is a fact and I will be my own guinea pig.

There was a time when I was most positive and I'm heading back towards that as I type. The course has been set and 2013 will begin like no other year: I will make it about changing my own mind into a more happy and content status.

I will keep you posted.

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