Friday, September 21, 2012

In which I realize I need people

I don't know if it's the hypnotherapy or me going off Yaz that's making me feel better...

Re. Yaz: I was googling something, I can't even remember what is it was it so paled into insignificance after I found the Yaz thing, and I came across all this anecdotal evidence that YAZ is possibly the root of all evil in the known Universe. Well not all of it and not the Universe, just possibly my depression and my anxiety in my known Universe. So I quit it. I completely screwed up my menstrual cycle but I feel better.

I bet Barry the hypnotherapist would like to take credit for me feeling better.

I don' care, I mean I really don't care whether it's the hypnotherapy or the going off evil Yaz, because I feel so much better. But in true form I, as usual, realize that I now have new problems. Other problems. Problems unlike the ones I just went out there to "fix" or lessen.

I'm like that, you know. I'm like that because I have to question everything and I will never quite be dumb enough to be content or completely happy. I'm really like that.

So anyway, going from doom and gloom, and terror and fear, to being calmer and more content I have now realized that I don't get validated enough. When you're depressed you're dead set certain that no one loves you anyway and you just don't have the energy to maintain too many relationships. Let's face it, you spend most of your energy just getting by and holding on.

So here I am, one and a half year out of my nervous breakdown and I realize that I have streamlined my social life to the point it now lacks severely. What can you do? I would like to find a bunch of creative people to hang out with now because, holy Jeebus, I'm having some pretty radically creative ideas that I would like to set in motion right now.

Most of all though I need validation. I need to know that I'm OK to talk to and hang out with. I need to know that even though I'm so nerdy on so many levels that I'm kind of a cool human being to hang with. I need input, from people other than my own brain because my own brain is people I have spent way too much time with in the past one and a half years.

Heh! I think I'm getting better ya'll. I think I will give Barry the hypnotherapist the credit. He's a really nice guy.

I'm just saying.

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