I've been battling with the idea of calling my parents for the past few weeks. I've not got a good relationship with them.
I left Sweden in 1989 and have lived half my life in Australia. I've only been home once. It took me 14 years to return and when I did I felt apprehensive about it.
Don't get me wrong, I loved going back but I also had it reaffirmed to me that I truly feel like I've never been part of the family. It's not because of anything they do and I know that my brother oddly enough feels the same.
Today I received some photos from my nephew's graduation and among them were photos of my parents and my brother. I was shocked. My parents seemed to have suddenly aged 30 years in the space of five.
So again, I feel a sense of urgency and certainly guilt.
I don't know if it makes me a bad person not to want to got back and see them. I feel an obligation too but I can't see any real good coming of it if I do.
On one hand I feel like such a coward for not wanting to go back but then on the other the psychologist's words echo in my head: "Do you think you should need to be the only one to maintain the relationship and who feels responsible for it? Are they not your parents?"
Right now I don't know. I just don't know.
I do know though that I don't have a lot of time left in which I can stand face to face with my parents again.
I've found my will to write again, at least momentarily, and while I pray (this is how grim it's become, I'm resorting to prayer...
How serious is this shit? May seem odd to you that I'm asking that but I'm serious about it. How serious is this shit? I bought a ...
When life’s kicked you in the head the first thing you need to do is resist the urge to hit back. Turn the other cheek. “Like fuck!” you say...
I post hopelessly infrequently here. I feel a little bad about it, I have to tell you, because when I check the stats, and I actually do t...