Far be it for me to cast dispersion on people and question the way they make their living, sometimes you pretty much have to do it any which way you can, but I can't help having feeling a certain way about this whole shaman business.
Once upon a time when I was feeling very confused about myself and the direction my life had taken I decided that it would be a good idea to try to take my power back. I had dabbled in Wicca and I couldn't really embrace it. Maybe it was all the fluff bunny Wiccans I couldn't quite come to terms with. Maybe it's the way Wiccans claim that it's the Olde Religion when there's not a single record to be found to support that claim. Maybe it's just too wishy washy while still being too much of an organized religion. It was kind of like a nice pair of calf leather gloves that didn't fit properly so I just couldn't quite feel at home with it.
I decided to study shamanism and in true shaman tradition, and if you know anything about shamanism you know that it's just about as well defined as Wicca, I pointed a desperate finger at the clear blue sky one day and asked, no I demanded, a shaman teacher would come my way. A shaman teacher that didn't charge $4000 and the rights to your firstborn, and that for a weekend retreat somewhere among mosquitoes and snakes including a stint in a dodgy sweat lodge.
A shaman did come my way. She asked for a very modest sum in return for teaching online and unlimited counseling for years to come. I decided I could afford it and that I had nothing to lose.
Now don't get me wrong, I just know you're feeling that this is leading up to me giving the shaman a negative rap, I learned a lot about myself doing that ten week course with her. I also did the follow up course, which was twelve weeks, and I got all this for the princely sum of $270. I didn't consider it wasted money.
I love Google. When all else fail I google. Before all else fail I google. You can google pretty much anything and you're rarely disappointed but when I googled a passage from the course material I had been sent I found the whole course sitting on a Wiccan website where it was presented as a course for Wiccans, a course about shamanic techniques. I e-mailed my shaman teacher and told her that her course had maybe been ripped off.
I received an e-mail back containing what I thought sounded like some cockamamie story about how she had worked with this male Wiccan witch trying to save the planet and people as she still was doing when he suddenly got all possessive and challenged her by claiming his powers to be stronger than hers. Basically he wanted a psychic power duel and he spent weeks trying to break her with his constant psychic attacks but she was too powerful for him. She told me that rather than causing a fuzz she was allowing him to still have her course on his site because it wasn't the written material that was important, it was her teachings.
Now my shaman isn't a half bad counselor but I'm always a little weary when it comes to people who claim to have special powers and being able to heal. When the shaman started setting up a healing community asking for donations to purchase land and such I got a little more weary. When she sent an e-mail to all her students telling us that we were working against her with our doubt, and that even if we didn't donate money the least we could do was to think positive thoughts about the project, well then I started thinking that the stress was getting to her. I slowly backed away and found something else to occupy my mind with.
When I e-mailed her again the other day it wasn't so much desperation that was the catalyst, I was curious to see what she would say about my problem. As I told you I was told that I'm addicted to feeling worthless. I was also asked if I could admit it to myself and and that I should do that this week then trail off to my counselor and tell her because it's easy to cure.
I'm sorry, and I apologize for the profanity about to come, but what the fuck kind of healer are you if you tell me that? It just struck me as a little bit more than weird.
So why am I getting my knickers in a knot so many years after I really stopped being on contact with this woman. Well it's my own fault for e-mailing her but I don't think it's appropriate to tell someone who you deem to be suicidal (which I'm not) that they're like a cutter, you know people who cut themselves, because maybe that's just going to give them ideas you know. If you are dealing with someone you think are suicidal you have a responsibility to tell them to get help immediately.
The main issue I've always had with people who offer healing of the more unconventional kind is that there seems to be a lot of mumbo jumbo going on. There are people out there who are in genuine deep doggie do and they should not be going to these people for help. I think that you have to be very careful with what you promise people and I say that even though I'm not supposedly myself a shaman who is qualified to heal people. I've even been encouraged to perform a soul retrieval (google it! *grin*).
I'm still fascinated by shamanism as a subject but when it comes to this particular brand of shamanism I think I have to recommend people stay away. People like this woman is probably more interested in building themselves a financial future and a cult following. I really should have stayed away but sometimes curiosity gets the better of me you know.
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