Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Day 16 on Prozac – why can’t we be BF maybe not forever but at least for now?

I’m sick of it, I really am, because feeling bad for no god damn good reason just sucks.

I’m acing it at work. I have a new boss who’s nice to me and doesn’t have as much as a hint of a chip on his shoulder.

The contradiction that has become is not something I can figure out. I feel more at ease with me than I ever had and yet I have separation anxiety and I feel sad and anxious most of the time. I mean WTF brain! What gives?

The problem as I see it when you go on a new medication is that you don’t know for sure if it’s going to work so you have to wait and see and it’s going to take time. If I lobbed up to my MD today she would tell me to keep taking the Prozac, maybe even up the dose, and then if it’s still not working in a month’s time we’ll try something else.

These meds mess with your head.

These meds change you as a person, at least they do me, but then isn’t that also the whole idea? They’re supposed to change you from being a sad sack and set you straight again. But, oh but, they do other things to you too and sometime you feel like you’re trying to get to know someone new again. I suffer from social anxiety. I’m afraid of getting to know new people. Can you see how confusing this is for me?!

I just want to get better. I just want to feel less bad ALL the time. It’s not much to ask for. This person I am now I don’t know who she is but I don’t like how she feels.

The question that I keep asking myself is: What do I have to do to feel good again?

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