A new era

I hope, oh dear God I hope, that this is the last post I ever write talking about my struggle after the breakdown and how things have not gotten any better. I really do.

Yesterday afternoon when I went into the meeting with HR and the department head I had a plan. I was gonna go in. I was gonna come out. Nobody was gonna get hurt.

I had a preferred outcome.

My preferred outcome was that I by a sheer miracle caused by a solar eclipse some decades ago, an event that had against all odds set things in motion to pave the way for the sheer miracle, and that the sheer miracle was that I was going to come out of the meeting reporting to the department head.

The odds for this miracle to take place were pretty slim in my mind.

You've guessed it already, haven't you? I mean I can't keep a secret, can I? I walked out of that meeting reporting to the department head.

I was given some flack about my assertiveness. I told them that I can probably tell them exactly what events my now ex-manager had talked about when he accused me of being assertive. I told them that it was when he had been wrong and I had to stand my ground or it would have caused, shall we say, some issues.

I think we can safely call this a win.

But it didn't stop there. Not only was I handed over to the department head but I was also presented with a strategy for the first month me reporting to him. First week he's on holiday but after that we will have probably three meetings in which he will get to know what I do (and he really already know because we've worked together before when he was a project manager) and also so we can have a strategy for how we're going to deal with my recovery.

HR promised to keep tabs on me for now on too.

So as much as I was given a little whack across the nose I was also finally given the support, it seems, that I should have had all along.

A plan. A strategy. These things are music to my ears because when you're depressed you're fighting your own apathy. It's hard to set goals and make plans.

I'm so tired and I feel like I need another holiday. I've certainly haven't the energy this post deserves and I which I could have written a better post about this because it's huge.

I hope I will find myself again soon and my groove. I miss my groove. I really miss my groove.