Friday, January 6, 2012

I have a daughter, she's my daughter

I woke up this morning and I woke up reluctantly.

Yesterday I ate too much good food, realized that people aren't always fair no matter how old and wise they are and I followed it all up with talking to a friend.

The talk, if it can be called a talk because it was more a rant of observations, was fueled by a fair amount of Cointreau and the most evil Brie I have ever had the pleasure of meeting smeared on French bread. Brie like that is made to eat in anger because its creamy texture and taste goes a long way to distracting you and preventing you from picking up the phone to tell people you really think. What you really, really think.

The pleasure of meeting the Brie was last night and the displeasure of having met it is this morning. You can actually get hangover from cheese I have discovered. I discovered this when I encountered an extremely precious Stilton not long ago. It made love to my taste buds and ruined my ability to think straight for days.

In the words of Withnail in the movie Withnail and I, this morning I feel like a pig shat in my head and it's not all the Cointreau's fault. I think the Brie prevented the Cointreau to have any effect on me at all.

Children are precious. Children are also not already perfect beings and most likely they will never be. If they're lucky they grow up to be successful and if the rest of us are lucky they grow up to be nice, good people who treat us with respect, love and compassion.

Bee is a child. Bee is a child who is at the cusp of entering a pre-adult state during which confusion will reign supreme and more will be expected of her than she's possible of achieving or being capable of.

It's like that for most people at that stage in their lives.

Bee is beautiful and kind. Bee has ADD and finds it hard to sort things in her mind at times especially when met with multiple instructions that seem to contradict each other.

Bee spent most of the garden party organizing the other children, most of them younger than her, in play so that the rest of us, the adults, could eat, talk and relax. Bee was also accused of getting into a cupboard to get a large packet of chocolates she had been given at the beginning to take home that I suggested be put away because too much sugar will mean trouble for Bee. Bee wanted so desperately to be well behaved.

She was accused of getting said chocolates out of a cupboard to eat them and share them with the other kids. It turned out that he husband of the lady who had given them to her had taken them out of the cupboard to give the kids chocolates and of course Bee got a bit upset, they were her chocolates because they had been given to her, and when the lady accused her of having gone into the cupboard to get them herself she got extremely upset. The husband never said anything about him getting them out of the cupboard. Not so much as a murmur. He stood by and watched her get accused.

Being 13 is confusing. Being blamed for things you didn't do hurts a lot at that age. Trying to do your best, to make your mum proud only to be accused hurts so much that you break down. The mother's of the other children rallied, bless them, and thanked Bee for being so good with their kids but Bee was so extremely distressed because she had, in her own words, ruined the whole party.

I expected more from my hosts. They're in their seventies and really should know better. They know Bee has behavioral problems because of her ADD and instead of making allowances it was used against her in a way that was really unfair.

I'm angry. I'm very angry. The friend I talked to last night about it is the son of these people. He was disappointed too. How does one explain to a 13 year old that some people just suck?


  1. it hurts at a deep, primeval level when the pain is felt by one's child, doesn't it?
    worse than out own pain, much worse

    you tell Bee that people are sometimes dumb, often wrong and frequently unfair but that doesn't mean their actions are anything to do with her, she was just an innocent bystander sucked in at random

    which has just, I realised, summed up me and The Someone so thank you

  2. Thinking of you at this crossroads in your life, and wanting to congratulate you for the brave decisions you are making, while in the fug of the low mood you describe.

    I think you are courageous and magnificent. There.

    Fhina x


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