There are many situations in my life past, present and probably future in which I have ended up feeling like I’m not being treated right. It usually manifests as anger at the person I perceive has having done me wrong but when the situation is more difficult, when I can’t easily separate myself from the person, I usually end up feeling distress and/or depressed especially if the person is someone I care about. Let’s face it, when someone you care about does the dirty on you, you end up feeling like crap.
There’s no real protection from this happening to you as far as I can. Most of the time in these kinds of situations there is a lack of effective communication and a lack of empathy. If it’s a close relationship there is bound to be a lot of hurt involved. A lot of the time you end up going separate ways when this happens.
It’s amazing how poorly we understand each other and it’s even more amazing how poorly we communicate. It has to be the reason for conflict 99.99% of the time and it’s only later we have those aha-moments when we realize that what we heard may not have been what was said.
I wish I could tell you how to prevent it from happening but if it’s already happening to you then it’s probably too late in the game to intervene. It’s extremely hard to turn a situation like that around unless you decide to involve someone else.
When you can’t effectively communicate with someone what you need is more than likely someone to sit there with you who can objectively look at what’s going on. It’s no use trying to squish your own feelings down to the bottom of your toes in an attempt to pretend everything is fine. There has to be a way for you to express what you feel with the clear understanding the no party involved at that particular stage is thinking clear.
It’s when you can’t do that, or you don’t get the opportunity to do that, that things escalate and it’s probably the most common reason for break ups.
What does this tell us? It tells us that for all the education we’re getting and for all the wealth we have we are not getting educated or are not wealthy in the area of effective communication. We don’t feel safe expressing ourselves and we are not taught how to do it.
The most important gift you can give others this Christmas is learning to communicate effectively. Don’t forget that communication includes listening. Don’t forget that sometimes we all say things we don’t’ mean and don’t forget that when someone needs a hugs it’s really good communication to give it to them.
Let’s be nice to each other this Christmas. Let’s communicate a little, eh?
I'm just saying.
I’m adding this song because it fits my mood today….no other reason really.
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