Monday, December 12, 2011

I'm not Disappearing - I'm really just Battling my Depression

Depression not only makes me boring but it also makes me quiet. It's becoming a full time job monitoring my own thoughts just so I can weed my mental garden. It’s really important that I do. It’s like now or never.

I refuse to up my dose of meds. I don’t believe in that stuff except for in emergencies. I don’t believe I can be in a state of emergency for almost a year. If a state of emergency of this kind lasts longer than three months it’s a habit. Habits are there to be changed. And so are beliefs.

So, with the risk of sounding like I’m trying to not just be like but become Tony Robbins, I’m choosing to look at this as an opportunity. I’m forced to dive into the messy wardrobe that is my mind and I’m finding some really interesting and useless stuff in there. And I’m finding gaps.

Various out-of-fashion and ill-fitting beliefs are hanging about like they actually belong there and they’re the kind of stuff that should never be worn. Ever! I hate paisley and they’re paisley.

Various habits and beliefs that could possibly be worn again with a bit of modification have been identified and hung on a separate rack. They need attention and won’t be worn until they’ve had it.

Some cool vintage thoughts that definitely suit me have lovingly been brushed off and put aside to be worn again, every day no matter what the occasion.

New additions have been identified and work is currently underway to procure these additions and if I manage to fix getting them I should be happy and whole in no time.

In the meantime it seems I will be posting and commenting less but please know I’m not far away. I’m just having a serious debate with myself as to what to wear mentally. It’s not worth writing about.

4 comments:

  1. Its a painful process. You are in my thoughts... take care of you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. If you feel the need to write then do so.
    I understand and I care

    ReplyDelete
  3. Everybody needs a break once in a while. Sometimes I need a break twice in a while.
    Go with what works.

    Don't mind us.

    We'll just be right here. Waiting.

    Maybe with arms crossed and tapping a foot impatiently once in a while... no, no. Ignore that last part. Go do what you have to do.

    ReplyDelete
  4. We'll wait. Come back when you're ready.

    SP

    ReplyDelete

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