Far Out Brussel Sprout

I'm slowly siphoning off a bottle of Cointreau. Slowly. I'm not trying to get drunk. I'm trying to get even. Even enough to plan a course forward.

Please read the last post first if you haven't already read it and you want to make sense of this one. I mean you can read this one on its own but you're probably going to feel you are lacking some important information.

It's messy. It's a break up.

First I would like to say that SP and Merry and Mouse are wise people. You may not think so you three foxy ladies but I have been taking your advice on board and I may be the kind who tries to fix things rather than end them but right you it's your girl power that is making me feel strong. You need to know this because you are so differently awesome.  Yes, I know I sound desperate, like someone who desperately needs friends right now, but you girls have strewn your pearls of wisdom in comments for a good half a year I think. Please let it be known it was not wasted effort. I was listening. I was just also listening to bullshit I wanted to believe at the same time. There was a lot of it.

I just did something one shouldn't do. It's just not classy. It's horrid. I messaged "the other woman" on Facebook. I don't expect a reply but if I do get one I will converse with her in a civil manner. She is not the dog. He is the dog. He will be very mad if she tells him.

He's also asleep in his room because he's too tired to talk and I'm over it. I'm over this whole thing. I'm not over him, that sort of thing takes time, but I'm over this. The two are distinctly different parts of the issue and I treat them as such. One thing at the time. I will get over him too.

The sooner he gets out the better. The miracle it will take to turn this around will not occur so the sooner he's out the better. I've not been played for a fool here but I've been way too tolerant. I need to draw some sharp lines in the sand and most of them will mean that we're done here. Over and done. No turning back ever again. We will not be friends or civil after this because we won't speak at all. This will be harder because we work together. I hope we will be decent enough to leave.

I feel OK with this. I really do. I don't feel OK about losing my friend, he was good at that and believe in giving credit where credit is due. There. Credit given. He makes really good coffee. That's another good thing that I will miss.

I will not list the things I won't miss. That would be tacky of me.

I'm looking forward to getting me back again. It sounds odd but I do. Maybe I'm meant to be alone although I doubt that seriously but if I'm not meant to be alone then I'm meant to be in  a really good relationship. This relationship is not it. It's not good for either of us unless there are drastic changes made. These changes will not be made. We will therefore part.

I need to learn how to pick them. That's the common denominator in all this is the me picking them. I need to get a firm grip on my reality and stop picking people - men - who can't engage emotionally. Are there men that can? I don't know. Let's just pretend there is for now because it gives me hope.

I don' feel particularly sorry for myself right now which I find rather strange. I know I pushed it a bit today and it resulted in it coming to heads but it had to. Things were ticking along in a way that was bad and sometimes you need to push people into action. I know this from experience. When it comes to relationships it's tricky business but when you say something over and over and it's not getting through you can either shut up and retreat or push some more.

You're never going to be thanked for pushing. Nobody likes to be pushed no matter how necessary it was.

Another thing, don't think that who you friend on Facebook doesn't show up to your other friends. They do. And. I'm not stupid.

When it comes to break ups I'm not real good at it. I don't know what the rules are. I'm just winging it here.