I have an awful habit of feeling powerless when it comes to my own life and situation. There have been days after the breakdown when I have oddly enough felt the complete opposite. I began to get that real feeling that I am really in charge of my own fate, that I am the captain of my own life.
I have a friend who's breaking and he's breaking bad. He suffers from the most debilitating panic condition and the problem is that it's not a mental health condition, it's more like seizures. He's never found anyone who could tell him exactly what's wrong with him and there's certainly no hope of a cure.
Slowly but surely I've watched his attacks get worse over the past month to the point that he actually has what almost looks like an epileptic fit only he gets to be completely conscious through the ordeal.
He's ready to give up. He knows that the attacks will get worse until he ends up in hospital. He knows that he will again be told that there's nothing they can do to help him. He'll spend time in there until he's well enough to get out again.
I don't want him to go through this. I need him. He's a very important person in my life and I really can't stand the thought of him not being there. Selfish huh? Most of all I can't bear to hear him say that he can't take it anymore. It scares me.
There are days when I wish I had superpowers, days like today.
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