Thursday, November 17, 2011

America, America – we have your president (we promise that no harm will come to him)

I was out in the kitchen fixing myself the first cup of coffee for the day. That is, to be precise, the first cup of coffee at work for the day.


The TV was on in the general lunch area and I caught a glimpse of it. Kind citizens of the USA, apparently we have your president. The President of the USA. He’s visiting apparently.

It’s just by sheer fluke I realized that he’s here now. I’m not paying attention. Not to that sort of thing anyway. Apparently.

Apparently the English Queen and her main squeeze Phillip were here a few weeks ago too. I kind of missed out on paying attention to that too which is why I have little to say about it. I saw the Queen back in the 90s. In her car. My puppy dog and I waved to her. I’m sure she thought that my Cattledog pup was a Corgi. She seemed excited.

I saw the Pope too. Not the German one (I don’t like him), the other one (I liked him). He didn’t seem excited.

I would have completely missed out on knowing that the Swedish princess Birgitta, she’s the Swedish king’s sister for the uninitiated, was visiting Australia recently had it not been for my partner’s father who kindly told me then proceeded to find a local newsrag, with a picture and all, so I could be part of it all. Exciting times!


I swear I have ADD. I just can’t keep my thoughts straight.

I remember posting a pic on my blog the last time our prime minister and Obama met. Y’all don’t mind if I call him that, do you? It’s a catchy name!

The picture was of Julia (she’s ours so I can call her by her first name) and Obama (it is a catchy name!) playing football in the oval office. I think they were tossing an Aussie rules ball around and I couldn’t help thinking “Wanna play ball Julia? Here! Fetch the ball Julia!”

I’m not saying our prime minister is a dog but it just seemed so out of place.

Look! A chicken!

No, it’s not. That’s all in my mind.


There’s apparently been no ball play this time around. There’s what seems to be the obligatory photo in the office though.

I can’t help thinking that we could have done this better. I know what you people think the Aussies are like and as such I think we should have given it to you. It’s only fair.

I want to see pictures of Obama in Julia’s backyard with her partner Tim wearing an apron and throwing a few shrimp on the barbie. And we would call them shrimp just so all y’all wouldn’t be confused by our provincial weird way of speaking the English language.

I believe in giving people what they want and I think they want Aussies to barbeque. Ever since Paul Hogan, remember him, he was Crocodile Dundee, did that ad for all y’all over there you’ve come to expect barbeques. We should stick to that because it’s less confusing.

“Where’s the President now?

“I don’t know. Wait! They’re showing him in some backyard at a barbeque.”

“Aah. Australia!”

It’s not too late, I hope, to save this whole circus from becoming Cirque du Désastre. I’m sure Julia’s neighbors wouldn’t mind nicking down to the butcher’s to procure some snags. The neighbourhood ladies could surely whip up some coleslaw to go with them.

We can do this Australia! We can fail to disappoint!

I’m just saying.

Unless of course you think that the fact that a fullscale US Marine force was given the green light to conduct its own war games on Australian soil for the first time, under a new military agreement signed yesterday is more interesting.

I would totally understand.


  1. If he came to Perth our Premier would organise a BBQ for him - he did it for the Queen.

    You probably missed that....

  2. I missed it! This is ridiculous!

    Did the Queen enjoy herself?!

  3. I thought you guys only threw prawns on the barbie dolls. Are shrimp and prawns the same thing? I blame that Croc. Dundee guy for confusing us about Aussies.

  4. Crocodile Dundee has a lot to answer for. It's been years and yet here we are still in confusion!

    prawns = shrimp

    I think the whole barbie confusion stems from how we are so good at chopping off words here in Australia, i.e. brekkie for breakfast.

    I have some Barbie dolls. I'm going to get some "shrimp" and see if it really works though.


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