Monday, October 31, 2011

The beet

It's, in my opinions, one of the best introductions to a book of all time. How could you not love it?

The beet is the most intense of vegetables. The radish, admittedly, is more feverish, but the fire of the radish is a cold fire, the fire of discontent not of passion. Tomatoes are lusty enough, yet there runs through tomatoes an undercurrent of frivolity. Beets are deadly serious.
  Slavic people get their physical characteristics from potatoes, their smoldering inquietude from radishes, their seriousness from beets.
  The beet is the melancholy vegetable, the one most willing to suffer. You can't squeeze blood out of a turnip...
  The beet is the murderer returned to the scene of the crime. The beet is what happens when the cherry finishes with the carrot. The beet is the ancient ancestor of the autumn moon, bearded, buried, all but fossilized; the dark green sails of the grounded moon-boat stitched with veins of primordial plasma; the kite string that once connected the moon to the Earth now a muddy whisker drilling desperately for rubies.
  The beet was Rasputin's favorite vegetable. You could see it in his eyes.
  In Europe there is grown widely a large beet they call the mangel-wurzel. Perhaps it is mangel-wurzel that we see in Rasputin. Certainly there is mangel-wurzel in the music of Wagner, although it is another composer whose name begins, B-e-e-t—.
  Of course, there are white beets, beets that ooze sugar water instead of blood, but it is the red beet with which we are concerned; the variety that blushes and swells like a hemorrhoid, a hemorrhoid for which there is no cure. (Actually, there is one remedy: commission a potter to make you a ceramic asshole—and when you aren't sitting on it, you can use it as a bowl for borscht.)
  An old Ukrainian proverb warns, "A tale that begins with a beet will end with the devil."
  That is a risk we have to take.

From the introduction to Jitterbug Perfume by Tom Robbins.

3 comments:

  1. Bluuugh, I can't stand them and I'm sure the author is right re Rasputin...Laughing Boy adores them.

    SP

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  2. that's great writing about the beet...i especially love the radish comparison. but the "fruit" of the devil? i wonder. i think they have an intense earthiness, they're the most earthy of veg. and that secret sweetness that you wouldn't guess from their appearance. i think they're awesome.

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  3. I'm a fan of the beet too I have to admit. Was recently introduced to a homemade borscht that was divine. I've also discovered that they make great roast vegetables with the Sunday roast.

    You're right about the earthiness. For some reason they so remind me of home (Sweden) but unfortunately they gave the name Swede to another vegetable.

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