I'm not doing good. I hate to share my bad with you but I'm really not doing good. I'm still at the damned crossroads and I seem completely unable to move. I am paralyzed.
For a brief time I tried forging a new path because neither of the two I saw as being my choices suited me. I couldn't shake that feeling that there must be more to it than this. I have a gut feeling you see, and I'm used to being able to trust my gut. It seems I'm now having a gut feeling and conflicting evidence.
It's hard not to have simple tools like magic on your side. None of my crystal balls seem to want to tell me the future and my tarot cards don't tell me what they're readings are about. The pictures are pretty though, that's some consolation.
So here I am, old enough to know better and naive enough to believe that somehow if I just stand here in the same spot things will suddenly fall into place. I'm no good with waiting. I like to solve things quick and move on, set a new course and get down to it. I like to leave pain and trouble behind and replace with something better.
So while I try to scry my future, I would like some certainty you see, I also try to hold onto the vain hope that this time, yes this time, all that stuff I wanted in my life is just waiting around the corner ready to pounce on me and immerse me in it.
I'm waiting. I wish I could move.
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