Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Crazy Eyes

I just remembered Crazy Eyes. The other weekend we were sitting on the deck out the back having a quiet chat when we heard the doorbell. The doorbell in our case is a bell that hangs on the outside of the house with a rope that you yank to make the sound. Very classy. Anyway, it rang. Instead of making my way to the front door via the inside of our house I decided to just mosey on around the outside of our house and come up the side. When I turned the corner into the front yard I found a tall Caucasian guy and a small Asian guy standing there staring at my front door.

Obviously completely thrown off kilter by my unconventional way of conducting the customary meet and greet it took them a while before they composed themselves but when they did the Caucasian guy shoved a brochure towards me accompanied by the words “We have a gift for you.”

Anybody with half a brain knows what that means. You’re face to face with a Jesus freak. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t have anything against religious folks it’s just that I really don’t like people who thrust it upon me, their religion that is. My thinking is that when it comes to religion anyone who needs it or wants it generally finds their way to a place where it’s at. It’s not like there aren’t enough churches around. It's not like they hide, This is why I never quite understood the whole door knocking approach when it comes to "spreading the good word". You're just going to be up against a whole lot of people who don't want it or a whole lot of people who already got it. I can't imagine there being a lot going on in the grey area in between.

As for the brochure, my hands never left my pants pockets as I calmly said “No thank you.”

I looked up at tall Caucasian guy only to catch his eyes changing into what I would call crazy eyes. It wasn’t hard to tell that I had just been classified as, and this was completely independent of the faux pas I had made by coming around the side and not greeting them in the door like normal people would, Satan’s own little harlot. “Are you sure,” Crazy Eyes asked. I could feel my own eyes narrowing as I replied “I have my thing. You have yours,” and as he was about to argue I continued “Fair enough? I think it’s fair enough, don’t you?’”

I think it is fair enough and I think that not wanting these people to come to bother you on a sunny Sunday is a fair enough thing too. I don’t need to be saved and I’m certain that anyone who does need saving in that way know how to find their way to a church to facilitate their saving. I don’t need saving. I don’t need Crazy Eyes. I need peace. I'm just saying.

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