Friday, July 29, 2011

I'm posting. It's a long one. I have a lot to say.

What is the perfect end to a "Satans. Jävlar. Skit."-day? If you have form phobia, like I do, it's coming home to find a massive census form left on your front doorstep that you must fill in because if you don't they will come to hound you. And they hire just about anyone to hound so if you're unlucky they're scoping your house as they come to badger you about not having done the census. That's how it goes in my mind anyway. It may or may not be truth. I'm just saying.

I still haven't told that council that I don't have a dog anymore and I had to rehouse him in December last year. How hard is it to print a form that's already partially filled out, signed it, put it in an envelope and send it? For some of us it's very hard. And very traumatic.Which is why I haven't done it.

I should be doing my tax too. It's that time Down Under. You have until the end of October unless of course you have an accountant do it for you in which case you can hold on to your papers and send them to your accountant in April. The next year. It's a neat little loophole I found and that I blatantly abuse very year. My accountant, a lovely man, knows this and he always assures me it's OK. Why wouldn't he? He gets $220 for lodging a tax return online that's easy enough for any dimwit to do themselves. But he knows. About my form phobia. And he still loves me. Almost like a father.

But that's not what I really wanted tell you about. Tell you a lot about. You did see the topic, yeah?

Lately I have had more than my fair share or revelations and it wouldn't be fair to keep all these little tidbits to myself.

#1 Tidbit
Other people can't be relied on for anything. Even your best friend will let you down on occasion. It's kind of how you decide to deal with the let down that determines the way things pan out for you with other people. Less expectations = less unhappiness. You have control there. If you feel like you need to bring your happy down a bit just start expecting things from people. I find that expecting people to keep promises is especially effective. There's nothing quite like a broken promise to add disappointment to your day.

And I'm not saying this because I'm bitter. I'm saying it because I have come to realize that it really is up to you do control how you feel about how others act. Expecting too much, especially of people who are incapable to follow trough, will make you unhappy.

#2 Tidbit
Don't fear showing others that you're feeling vulnerable. This can be very hard for women in the workplace because if you get sad and upset and burst into tears you are obviously on the rag. That's a given. But here's the thing, only men think that and we all know that most men suck at the feely thing so why would you want them around if you feel like shit anyway. Unless they want to get in your pants they're not going to be supportive (and we can safely assume here that since they think tears equals being on the rag then they're not going to want to root you) so seek out some female company. A lot of the time women are bitches to each other in the corporate world but tears bring out the sisterhood solidarity in all us girls. Especially if a man made you cry. They're all bastards. And the woman will kick their asses if they need to.

#3 Tidbit
Love is something that happens to other people. Or does it? Is it just that they pretend? Or are they just better at the whole relationship thing? Or more lucky? I don't know but I do know this: Love is something that happens to other people.

#4 Tidbit
If you want to get a head in your career don't work hard. Get a whole bunch of books, preferably written by anyone who works for Google, and get fully acquainted with the latest corporate lingo. If you really want to get ahead master the art of inventing new words like "managerising" or "incentovisation", or better still whole phrases like "it's a global international world" or "atomic teams". Nobody will ever know what you're on about but that's the whole point. Show me a person who doesn't mind looking stupid and that would admit that they think you're talking bullcrap. I will dance with joy. All you need to do to get ahead in your career is to learn a few catchy words and phrases, pretend that you know what you're talking about (if you have problems with this cast your mind back to when you were little and no trouble at all pretending to be anything from pirate to astronaut to Luke Skywalker or whatever the hell tickled your fancy) and get on with moving up the corporate ladder. You don't even need to believe in yourself. It's only necessary to bamboozle a few people higher up than you are and hey presto, you're going places.

#5 Tidbit
When your lovely little Chinese doctor who pronounces your name horribly wrong tells you that you need to take medication you take it. If she gets the medication wrong allow her to try another one. She may actually know exactly what she's doing and you're just being a stubborn ass thinking you can take care of all of yourself when you in fact could use some help.

#6 Tidbit
If you're in therapy and your psychologist tells you that you need to change your attitude to something that upsets, grieves or generally messes with your sanity or life, leave immediately and if they made you pay upfront ask for your money back. If that's the best they can do you may has well have just googled aimlessly.

#7 Tidbit
Don't take crap from anyone no matter who they are. Don't allow yourself to be made fun of, be made to feel like you're less or generally have anyone feel crappy about what and who you are. Unless you're an asshole. Then you need to take stock of your life and reform. But if you're mostly OK then you don't need to take that crap. Feel a little proud of who you are and when someone pulls that kind of crap on you tell them that you don't like the way they're talking to you. Walk away. Find something better to do or someone better to talk to.

#8 Tidbit
Lucky number eight. Life is hard they say. It doesn't have to be. It shouldn't have to be. Most of what we perceive as hard are caused by beliefs and limitations imposed on us by others. We forget to bloom. We start out like little seedlings and we grow and grow and when we're about to burst open in all our glory we recall some snarky comment someone made in error, out of spite or because they wanted to control us, and we fail to open up fully in all our splendor!

#9 Tidbit
Love. For fuck's sake love! Do not withhold love from someone you care about and don't forget to tell them how you feel about them. Don't be afraid to tell them all about what you find great with them. Do it now! Or, you can not do it and run the risk of losing them. They may know logically that you care but us humans need poetry in our hearts to soothe the longing that lives there especially on crappy days when nothing seems to be OK. Go now and tell them! You mustn't wait. It costs you nothing but it gains you everything and it makes you stronger not more vulnerable. Love. Love as much as you can until you feel like your soul is going to explode with it and spew love all over the Universe like some radical nuclear love bomb. Or something. Love. It's important.

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