Monday, March 31, 2014

Cut above the mustard

I don't know quite what it is that makes us all feel like we have to promote ourselves so heavily at work nowadays. It's just not OK to sit there and actually admit that you don't know or that you have to learn something.

I recently hired a new writer and because of a dreadful drought (I can think of no other way of describing it) there are none out there to hire. I "settled" for a guy slightly older than me who has really solid English skills but lacks background in the technical writing field.

He is an amiable guy. Likeable. Personable. He is a communicator by heart and he's picking up things as fast as he can considering I unceremoniously had to push him in the deep end of the pool and leave him to swim.

He seems deathly afraid to admit that he's not quite getting the hang of certain aspects of things, like software and publishing "grunt" work, even if I keep telling him he's there to learn.

I just wonder why we have gone and created this workforce that feel forced to beef up CVs and sing their own praise almost to the point that it's a deadly sin to admit that you have more to learn. Personally I would, as a manager, find it a tad boring if my "peeps" came fully formed and with nothing for me to contribute to their career journey.

But, I could retire in goo conscious I guess if that was the case so perhaps I should just leave people to be the experts they think they need to be to cut the mustard in the job market in 2014.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

In which I get a little profound (and crazy)

I've been quiet here but I haven't hidden away from the world like some sort of hermit. I've tried in interface with it and connect with its inhabitants.

Mostly I've targeted what can be considered the more spiritual part of humanity and that inevitably means that you end up in the  mish mash of beliefs that these kinds of people inevitably house in their hearts and minds.

It can get confusing.

Now I'm all for the spiritual kind, I will most definitely take them over the corporate kind any day, but I always end up here: Most of them, well, they're a little confused.

Most of them seem to have adopted a bunch of ideas that they haven't really thought a lot about and while I hesitate to kick people in the teeth for doing that I'm even more hesitant to agree with that approach. It's just too easy to swallow someone telling you that you were an amazonian warrior woman who was considerably accomplished with a bow and arrow, and that is why you're now such a perfectionist, and this especially if you're already somewhat confused about your lot in life. I know this to be true. It happened to me. Including the confusion.

But, as I do, I've thought a lot about this and as much as I've tried to assimilate with this gentle but confused kind of people I can't quite feel I'm part of that tribe either. Although they declared me a budding psychic who just needed more practice and a healer it just didn't feel satisfying to me. I may, or may not, go back to meet with them again because they're really lovely but for now I really feel I have some work to do on myself. Alone.

I also did that whole thing when I started teaching meditation. I'm quite good at it. People come back. I have answers. I can teach them this stuff, this meditation stuff, but meditation is something you practice and most people quite frankly don't get that.

Meditation is not somewhere you go once a week and expect results or proficiency. Meditation is practice. You get what you practice. A guided meditation leads you to the place you were guided to. Regular mindfulness meditation leads you to a state where you're more mindful and all that that implies.

I've come to realize a few things of late and they're at the core of who I'm becoming I think. My mind has digested a lot of Buddhism of late because they have some really good strategies for dealing with mental discourse, and as I'm still recovering from the nervous breakdown and the resulting anxiety and depression I find that rather interesting and useful.

The Buddhists don't muck around. They tell you to go within and examine yourself warts and all. There's no hiding from yourself there. You stand there naked in all your glory and you learn to love it.

All the self examination, and goodness knows I've only scraped the surface of my scarred and battered psyche, has brought some profound insights about. For one I have come to align myself more with humanists more than any other group it seems. And, I've developing some sort of truth or mission statement for my life. I can't help it; I have to share it.

You're the one, the only one, who steers the ship that is your life. Lacking as it may be, lacking opportunities as it may be, you're still the one at the helm and you're the one constantly setting the course. If you fail the leave the harbor you're the only one to blame, you're responsible, and if fear keeps you there it's your fear and you best face it or be content in the harbor. Either way you can be happy if you just have the right mindset.


You don't come here to arrive in this life on this planet with a mapped out destiny or personality.

You're not at the mercy of life or the world or other people.

Sure, bad shit happens to you and good shit happens to you too, and you come here under certain conditions, but in the end it's what you make of what you got that determines your level of success and level of happiness in life.

Life is not for or against you. It just is. We're dropped into neutral territory. It cares not one iota about what you do or how you feel. Only one that does that is you. If you choose to be unhappy life is content to let you be unhappy. If you choose to be happy life is content to let you be happy. It really is content to just let you be. You choose. Your choice entirely.

All those batty people who tout the law of attraction are at least partially correct: you're a creator.

You're the creator of your experience because you have control of your thoughts and therefor in the end your feelings in regards to it.

Maybe you can't attract everything you want into your life even if you make an endless number of vision boards but you can sure as hell create and you can be pretty damned sure you create what you want. The thing most of us miss is the part where we figure out what we really want and what we actually fear getting even if we want it. You gotta get damned sure that you know what it is you want and that you're not secretly afraid of getting it so you avoid getting it.

And, all those things you think you want and crave, we'll most of that's just bullshit. What you secretly crave is so much more simple, and what your heart and soul longs for is so much deeper. Get with that and you will get precisely what you need and want through your own creation and it will be so much sweeter. You'll be content and happy. You will be free of fear, anxiety, anger, hate, jealousy....

You have to begin to realize that you are a limitless, boundless being and that it's your job to challenge any limits you perceive society and the world around you, or you yourself, to have placed upon you, and to begin to understand that you, and only you, can and have the right to define and decide who you are. It's your duty to do that as a thinking, living human being. That's completely within your power.

There's nothing else you need to do or achieve. There's just that.

You're in control.

You're the undisputed ruler of your domain.

You're piloting this thing you call "life". You're creating your destiny. You make up the rules as you go along.

Every thought you allow yourself to have colors your day and the sooner you realize that the sooner you are free.

That's the meaning of life my friend. You can stop looking for it now. I just gave it to you.

And, no need to thank me. No, really.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

The urge to write is returning

The project we're doing at work has been killing my will to write for a long time but I can almost feel it stirring again, the need to hold a conversation in the deliberate manner one does when writing. I miss chronicling my thoughts as I bash out a blog post on my keyboard and the urge is growing to get going with it again. So much have changed in the past year and I've hardly talked about any of it here it feels like.

Friday, January 31, 2014

In which I take a step out of my comfort zone, create a meditation group thinking I may get like 5 people joining but get 20 people in the first 24 hours after the group is announced wanting to meditate with me

That really happened. I've been playing with the thought for a while but I'm so busy with work it's just been that, playing with the thought. The other day I thought that perhaps I ought to get something started, S O M E T H I N G, because it's going to take time to get enough people interested to make an actual group. I created a group on meetup.com and sat back and waited.

I didn't have to wait for long!

I now face the fact that I'm going to have to send a hello to 20 people and actually get off my arse to organize the first meet come lesson and have a sizable group to cater to. It's going to be fun but right now I feel a little daunted.

More white wine needed. Obviously.

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

For fear of Karoshi

I had a long weekend off, it being Australia Day on Sunday which gifted us with a Monday public holiday and then it being my birthday yesterday. I kind of like the double weekend effect of having two extra days off.

I've been thinking a lot about it lately, about what all this working gets me except for a handsome pay packet, and I can really feel how much it's draining me. It's not really the work that drains me, it's the need to buy into office politics and being stressed that really gets to me. There are so many people that don't think you're doing your bit unless they see some sort of anxiousness in your eyes when you're going through a big project.

Since my nervous breakdown a few years ago there's nothing I really fear more than having another breakdown, even if that would seem excessively stupid and careless. Apparently Aussies work longer hours than the Japanese now and that just can't be good especially since it's kind of expected of you especially if you're management.

I came across the word Japanese word "karoshi" the other day and while it sounds nice and almost pleasant, even a little mystical and palatable, it's meaning is "death by overwork". I remain convinced that my mind kind of "karoshied" a few years ago when I had my breakdown and it's not been the same since, and I just don't want to go there again. I've also realized that the worst thing I can do is to worry about it because then it just becomes a vicious circle, so I'm just kind of breathing through the threat of another mind kasochi and making peace with wherever my mind is at now. Hopefully it's the key to anti-karoshi enlightenment.