Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Take care

I've found my will to write again, at least momentarily, and while I pray (this is how grim it's become, I'm resorting to prayer) that it will last I've decided that I will only allow myself to hope a little. Just like I'm only hoping a little bit that I can restore some sort of nice look and feel to this blog after I applied a new theme, and then found that basically nothing works and I cannot find my way back to what once was.

Bare with me, folks. I am trying my very best to integrate back into society. Baby steps.

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

A letter to my future self (from the past, the unpublished archives)

I'm actually not sure when I wrote the below but I would hazard to guess it's over a year ago. I've been absent from here for too long. I've not written for too long. I'm back again. My stats page is telling me that people are still visiting and I'm thankful to you. I'm glad you're still here but now I need to sort out the new themes and make this place home again. But, until then I leave you with this, from the unpublished archives:

I've not always been good to myself. It's not that I've been any worse to myself than your average person but I have pushed myself in areas that I instinctively knew weren't good for me. I thought that the pain I felt as a result of it was just normal, a part of life and living, and that it was just the way life is supposed to be. I knew I had it in me to be more adventurous and free, and to let go more, but I chose security for the most part because that's what we're taught to do, it's what we're supposed to do, but mostly because that's what I needed to do at the time. Or thought I needed. Both knowing and thinking hold equal power in our minds most of the time if we're not careful.

Sunday, January 24, 2016

The mindfulness trap

A friend shared this article about mindfulness meditation and its potential to harm on Facebook, and while it's content flies in the face of what's the popular view of what mindfulness meditation can do for us, I feel that it's the important discussion that's not had most of the time when mindfulness meditation is talked about.

First, I've grown a bit tired of mindfulness because of the way it's bandied about nowadays. You're supposed to eat your food mindfully, taking time to really feel and experience every mouthful, and every damned thought and feeling attached to the experience. You're supposed to brush your teeth mindfully, make love mindfully, think mindfully, work mindfully and mindfully be mindful of your mindfulness in the most possible mindful way you can mindfully do. If you're not being mindful you're a jerk and an emotional neanderthal.

It's become a bit crazy.

Saturday, January 23, 2016


I woke up with the best idea ever!

I was finally going to write the novel I've wanted to write since I was in my teens but since that's already been done, I mean writing a novel, by soooo many people before me soooo many time, and with varying results, I thought that perhaps since we live in a sort of "clickonomy" I would make it an app. It's soooo obviously the way to go!

So, the idea is that you get to choose where the story goes next and kind of build your own book as you read which also makes it more like a game as well so it's a two for one - awesome value, right?

Monday, January 4, 2016

New Year: New responsibilities and gratefulness

I woke up this morning thinking about....getting coffee in me as soon as possibly can. Coffee is honestly my first priority. I feed the cats before I make my coffee only because they get loud and obnoxious if I don't, and they stare at me with their little eyes of hunger. I love my daughter but I hate if she's awake when I get up because I don't get to make my coffee in surly silence and let it slowly have its way with me. She always asks me "How was your sleep, mum?". Bloody kids nowadays!

It's the ritual, a ritual I've developed and got used to over years. It's part of the finely tuned machine that is me, well no, it's rather, one of the things that work really well in my life. I can count on it working every time without fail.

Thursday, December 31, 2015

2015 and beyond

2015 felt like such a big year for me, and looking around it seems I’m not the only one to feel that way. 2015 made many of us change course. So many of us are looking back at it thinking it was a hard year but when we look at our own little chronicles we’ve documented bright and hopeful things, and we’re surprised. It seems we’re better at counting our blessings and being grateful than we think we are.

2015 was a year of contrast there’s no doubt about that. One the one hand we saw more compassion but on the other there was an increase in hateful talk.

And then there was Donald Trump. If you had told me a few years ago that he would be out there campaigning as a presidential candidate I would probably have peed my pants laughing. Literally. And this when Hillary is out there campaigning to become the first female president of the USA. If you don’t believe when I say there’s great contrast in 2015 sit with that one for a while, please.

Don't stop reading now we're just getting to the good bits, I promise.

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Wow. Just wow.

"Our generation has had no great war, no great depression. Our war is spiritual. Our depression is our lives." Chuck Palahniuk

It's been a while but I'm keeping on with the quotes. It brings me a sense of being anchored, of having a starting point and of knowing where I'll be next. And, while the quote says we have had no great war, I think we've seen plenty of little ones, of continuing, slow-boiling conflict and we've most certainly lived in the shadow of the second world war. I have anyway.

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I've found my will to write again, at least momentarily, and while I pray (this is how grim it's become, I'm resorting to prayer...

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