Monday, June 12, 2017

On Pain and Dolphins


The last few weeks have been weird. It's not just that I went back to work after eight months taking time off work; that part is strange enough.

Just the fact that I have barely written at all during that time and now I'm back here but also have another project starting up, a project that's more on the spiritual side and where I get to write more about the healing arts. This here is my place of anonymity where I can let loose and not be as cautious. about what I say and how it comes out.

So, I'm back writing and it's great, but a huge part of me feels like it's living in the postwar devastation of the Great War on Fibromyalgia. That part of me is nothing if not a tad dramatic.

Sunday, June 4, 2017

On Being Cranky and Trying to Manifest

I'm just not a happy camper today. I went back to work two weeks ago and it's a great job. I was feeling a lot better after doing a lot of recovery from the (stupid) fibromyalgia (crap) I've been dealing with. I was (almost) feeling grateful until I woke up yesterday morning realising I could barely move. I had somehow managed to throw back out during the night and since it happened while I was sleeping there was nothing or no one else to blame but myself or my stupid body.

I spent the whole day yesterday with a tens machine strapped to my back watching survival programs on YouTube because nothing cheers me up like watching macho guys eat scorpions and raw snake. It's a survival strategy of my own that I have perfected throughout the time my fribromyalgia was kicking my butt.

Did I mention I'm not a happy camper today?

Friday, May 5, 2017

When the New Age Movement Grows Up

I was in an interview yesterday afternoon for a part time copywriter job. After seven months of "couch surfing" (aka recovery or healing enough to integrate back into normal life) I've started thinking about becoming gainfully employed again. No sooner had the thought started to form, and no sooner had I started to worry about how to find a job, did a possible job offer appear from an ex-colleague of mine. And, no sooner had I began really entertaining the idea of taking that three month contract with her business than did another ex-colleague send me a job description for the part time copywriter job i interviewed for. If I get the copywriter job I will be effectively going from the engineering to PR/marketing (the other job makes me jump from engineering to HR/finance). To me it feels a little like defecting to the dark side (but the guys at the PR firm wear much cooler clothes and are a lot hipper - I have no clue what the HR peeps wear.)

Thursday, May 4, 2017

From bamboozled to........errr, finding your way back

“One of the saddest lessons of history is this: If we’ve been bamboozled long enough, we tend to reject any evidence of the bamboozle. We’re no longer interested in finding out the truth. The bamboozle has captured us. It’s simply too painful to acknowledge, even to ourselves, that we’ve been taken. Once you give a charlatan power over you, you almost never get it back.”
Carl Sagan, The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark

It's been a strange few days for me, actually the last few weeks have been filled by much strangeness brought about by change. I love change but I'm kind of used to being the one who sets it in motion. Seldom have I become so relaxed that I trust the Universe, or whatever or whoever is in charge controlling the chaos and randomness of our lives, with delivering anything that will in the slightest change me, my life or my circumstances.

My inner control freak seems to have given up and gone on some sort of extended break.

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Take care

I've found my will to write again, at least momentarily, and while I pray (this is how grim it's become, I'm resorting to prayer) that it will last I've decided that I will only allow myself to hope a little. Just like I'm only hoping a little bit that I can restore some sort of nice look and feel to this blog after I applied a new theme, and then found that basically nothing works and I cannot find my way back to what once was.

Bare with me, folks. I am trying my very best to integrate back into society. Baby steps.

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

A letter to my future self (from the past, the unpublished archives)

I'm actually not sure when I wrote the below but I would hazard to guess it's over a year ago. I've been absent from here for too long. I've not written for too long. I'm back again. My stats page is telling me that people are still visiting and I'm thankful to you. I'm glad you're still here but now I need to sort out the new themes and make this place home again. But, until then I leave you with this, from the unpublished archives:

I've not always been good to myself. It's not that I've been any worse to myself than your average person but I have pushed myself in areas that I instinctively knew weren't good for me. I thought that the pain I felt as a result of it was just normal, a part of life and living, and that it was just the way life is supposed to be. I knew I had it in me to be more adventurous and free, and to let go more, but I chose security for the most part because that's what we're taught to do, it's what we're supposed to do, but mostly because that's what I needed to do at the time. Or thought I needed. Both knowing and thinking hold equal power in our minds most of the time if we're not careful.

Sunday, January 24, 2016

The mindfulness trap

A friend shared this article about mindfulness meditation and its potential to harm on Facebook, and while its content flies in the face of what's the popular view of what mindfulness meditation can do for us, I feel that it's the important discussion that's not had most of the time when mindfulness meditation is talked about.

First, I've grown a bit tired of mindfulness because of the way it's bandied about nowadays. You're supposed to eat your food mindfully, taking time to really feel and experience every mouthful, and every damned thought and feeling attached to the experience. You're supposed to brush your teeth mindfully, make love mindfully, think mindfully, work mindfully and mindfully be mindful of your mindfulness in the most possible mindful way you can mindfully do. If you're not being mindful you're a jerk and an emotional neanderthal.

It's become a bit crazy.

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On Pain and Dolphins

The last few weeks have been weird. It's not just that I went back to work after eight months taking time off work; that part is stra...

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